But, then I started thinking about it further. I mean, it's hard to completely relate with the idea of romantic love when that is something that is sorely lacking in my life, but I love the subject of love - more than just romantic love.
Probably one of the most important lessons I learned on my mission is how to love, and to love deeply. Before my mission, I was perfectly ok being anti-social and having minimal contact with friends. I'm a natural introvert, but I kind became the extreme and could be completely reclusive. Now, after those 18 months of, well, not being ALLOWED to be antisocial (I mean, I was walking up to people and talking with them. Pretty much the exact opposite of my nature.) I value my relationships (however bad I may be at staying in contact with my peeps who don't live in here in the valley) and it literally is emotionally hard for me to NOT be social.
Why? Well...because I'm nothing without love. When I love people - when I'm showing and expressing that love - I am at my best. I strive to be my best, because I want those individuals to know that I love them. My love language is quality time, and so I am at my happiest when I am spending time with the people I love. I literally don't care what we're doing. We could be sitting in silence, doing completely different things, but just the fact that we're spending time together makes me so happy! If I get home from work in the evening, and both my parents are in bed, and had to leave before my mom got home, I get a little bummed out - even though literally all that probably would have happened is that my dad would be watching tv, my mom would be reading, and I'd be dinking around on the computer. But, we'd be in the same room, and we'd be together, and that would make me happy.
I love the line in the song, "I wanna rest in your light," because I feel like that's what it's all about! What happens when we love people? We see their potential. We don't necessarily see them for who they currently are, but also who they can become. We see their light. And we want to be a part of that. We want to dwell in that light.
I am nothing without love. Since being home from my mission, I've experienced A LOT of emotional turmoil, a lot of ups and downs. I know the moments that I've been depressed, struggling, cranky, those have been the times that I wasn't putting forth the effort to spend time with those that I love. Without those I love, I am but a shadow of person I am and that I know I can be. I'm tired of having the down moments, I'm tired of being sad. I want to, instead, surround myself with those I love! I want the people I love to know that I love them. I want them to know that I'm nothing without love, and that they are a part of that love! For awkward, shy, introverted me, this has the potential to be a difficult process, but it's totally worth it, right?
Go tell someone that you love them, today! Because what are we without love? :)
