I got a hair cut! I don't impulsively get haircuts, but last night I made a quick decision that led to the above result. When I initially got my pixie cut, I thought about it for about 6 months. Since then - three years later - every cut I had was for the same style. A week ago, I started thinking about the possibility of doing something a little more extreme - like cutting the sides of my head super short. I was a little hesitant, though. I was pretty sure I could pull it off, but I was a little bit worried about the look. About half an hour before my hair cut was to happen, I decided I was going to do it...but the worry about how it would make me look was there.
I know I've said multiple times that I never intended for this blog to be about my same-sex attraction, and yet, I keep writing posts that touch on it. But..I guess it's on my mind a lot. It's like it's a part of my life or something! (Don't worry, folks, I have a different post in the works, as well, that is completely unrelated!)
Being someone who struggles with being attracted to girls yet not doing anything about it can be stressful for many reasons. One of those reasons being the worry of how I appear to being - the pictures I post on Facebook, the clothes I wear, how close I get to friends that are girls, and, sometimes, my haircut. I never want to give the appearance of embracing my attraction. I never want it to be unclear about where I stand.
So, in considering my haircut, which could be construed as "butch" I was really hesitant. (Side note: when I texted a picture of my haircut to my sister, her response was, "Every girl I know with that cut is a lesbian." My initial thoughts on the haircut: confirmed!) What if people thought, because of my hair cut, that I decided to start dating girls? What if I start getting hit on by girls? What if people approach me and expect me to be all, "The prophet and apostles are just old, homophobic men, and the church will change its stance," something I don't actually believe?
You know what I decided? WHO CARES?! Anyone who knows me understands where I stand. I've been pretty clear about that. Besides...I freaking ROCK this haircut!
Anyway...the whole reason why I am even writing about this is because, apparently, today is National Coming Out Day. I've already had my "coming out" experience, if that is what you want to call it. But, I think sometimes I have experiences that help me to be even more comfortable with my attraction.
The reason why I decided to get the hair cut? Because I like it! It's like how I like more unisex, even masculine, watches. I like gender-neutral button-up shirts. I don't know if any of that coincides with my same-sex attraction, but, you know what? If it does, fine! No, I don't ever plan on being with or pursuing a life with another woman. But, this is a part of me. And, I'd like to think I pull of my style and my look pretty well!
So, ,my friends, this is me coming out a little bit more fully. I will always be very firm in what I choose to do and in upholding the Doctrine of Jesus Christ, as I believe it. Nothing will ever change that. But, I'm going to be okay being myself. If people are confused or have questions, they can ask me. I welcome questions! But, I'm not going to be hesitant about who I am.
I hope everyone else can do so, too. Even if people (including myself) don't agree with you, you should always do what you feel is right. Embrace yourself, who you are, your quirks, your likes, your dislikes. most important, hold fast to what you believe, to your faith. In doing so you, you will never get too lost or confused. In doing so, you can be secure in who you are.
So, who am I? I'm Beth Ann Root. Nerd. Student. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. I like racquetball. I love pizza and most other unhealthy foods. I like short haircuts that are a little edgy. I don't like make-up and you'll probably never see me with it on. I like girls, but I choose not to do anything about it. ALL of these things make me who I am. And all of these things are okay for me to be okay with.
