Amazing Grace

I've been home for nearly 10 months, now. I still think an awful lot about my mission. I'm pretty sure my peeps at work roll their eyes whenever I mention it, now. I'm pretty sure the sister missionaries in my ward are tired of hearing about my mission, while they're creating precious memories of their own missions. I'm pretty sure everyone is tired of me referring to either before my mission or after my mission. I don't know how else to measure time...haha!

Tuesday was another transfer day in the WA-TAC. Which means that yesterday some WA-TAC missionaries came home. A few of those peeps mean a lot to me, and it's gotten me thinking a lot about the people I served with and the lessons I learned.

I want to preface anything else I'm going to say with the statement, "By the grace of God." My mission's song was "Amazing Grace," arrangement by James Koerts. We sang it ALL the time, and it laid the foundation for my entire mission. Grace was the theme of my life for 18 months, and I hope for the rest of my life.

By the grace of God, I served with incredible people.
By the grace of God I was able to learn crucial lessons.
By the grace of God I saw people change.
By the grace of God I saw myself change.

Anyways, what spurred this blogpost were the ponderings of two specific missionaries who came home. Now, I don't often do posts on specific people - words of affirmation, NOT my strong point. I tend to feel awkward doing it, and I automatically assume that the other person feels awkward, which makes me feel more awkward, and then it's just a big mess of awkwardness. But, sometimes I get ideas in my head and I decide to run with it and I just try to not think too much about it, because then I'll feel awkward and never finish whatever it is. So this is me, not thinking to much and just doing.

First person: the wonderful Sister Brewster.

I was Brewster's second companion, her follow-up trainer. I had never follow-up trained, I had never trained. In fact, most of my companions had been out longer than me. I was nervous. But, I started working with her, and I was impressed by this greenie who would be bold, would invite everyone, and who wouldn't complain when I suggested that we knock doors outside of 5-7's.

Our companionship was a little bit rough, due to my personality being very different from hers. I'm a listener. I can listen to a person talk for days. In fact, I LOVED listening to my companions talk about their lives. What I sucked at was talking. The companion I had before Brewster could talk for hours on end. Half the time, I didn't even need to ask a question; if I did, I just needed to ask one, and she'd go off. It pretty much was the best. I was so used to that, that I kinda sucked at talking with Brewster. She liked to talk, I liked to listen, but she actually wanted me to talk back. It was a little bit of a foreign idea for me, and often she thought my silence meant dislike.

Remember how I suck at words of affirmation? Well, I guess that sometimes people need words of affirmation. I forgot how much I needed that as a greenie, even though words of affirmation make me uncomfortable. I would tell Brewster occasionally how amazing she was doing and how impressed I was of her, but I neglected to do it often. I assumed that because I told her once, she'd remember that I thought she was an amazing missionary. Duh, Root, who remembers that in moments of insecurities?

So, our companionship was one of her being unsure of who the heck I was, because I wouldn't talk, of her being unsure how I felt about her/thought she was doing as a missionary, because I suck at saying encouraging things, of me just doing the work and loving it, of me being impressed with my little step-baby, and of my being completely oblivious to Brewster's uncertainties.

AFTER we were companions, I began to understand a little bit more what all was going through Brewster's head when we were companions, and I regretted not taking more moments to tell Brewster how awesome she was.

Brewster worked hard to come on a mission - partially Heavenly Father pushed her to work hard to come. And I love her for that. She fought every doubt and every insecurity, and now, 18 months later, she's home, and even more incredible than she was when we were companions. So, I'm here to say just a couple nice things about my lovely step-daughter.

One, she has an incredible testimony. Whether or not she believes it, so much of testimony is choosing to rely on faith, and she keeps choosing to believe, rather than doubt.

Two, she loves so much, so fully, and so deep. She even loved crazy, grumpy, oblivious me.

Three, she is so strong. The past 18 months of her life proves it, and I admire her for it.

Ok, so the next person. Sister Julien. She actually had been companions with Brewster in the MTC, and Brewster thought the WORLD of Julien, so I heard all about her. She sounded pretty awesome, so I made sure to pay attention to her whenever our paths crossed.

Turns out we served as STLs at the same time. Never as companions, but in mission leadership council, we'd talk a bit, and I quickly developed a deep respect for Julien. She had a deep understanding of Gospel principles, and a firm, confident testimony.

I came home from my mission and, because I was so impressed with Julien, I put her on my weekly email list (and by weekly, I mean I tried to email weekly, but I've always sucked at keep in regular contact with anybody.) and she ended up putting me on hers. Again, her depth of understanding  impressed me, and loved reading about the person she was becoming.

Being a return missionary comes with its own set of hardships; everyone experiences different ones. At one point, I was feeling particularly...isolated. For a number of reasons. I was frustrated about it, and that kind of only made things worse. And, the most random thing ever, at least to me, I had the thought to write to Julien about it. She didn't know me very well, which for some reason, took away the awkwardness of the situation, plus I knew I would receive absolutely zero judgment from her.

So, I wrote to her, and then what was one of those friendships because of mutual respect and because we thought the other person was pretty cool (at least I thought Julien was pretty cool) turned into a strong friendship of loyalty where I knew she had my back, and I totes had her back.

And the reason why it happened? Because Sister  Julien is probably one of the most Christlike individuals I've ever come in contact with. And I love her for it. I'm a better person for only slightly knowing her. I'm a stronger person because of it. Pretty much, Julien is just absolutely amazing.

So...anyway...this is one of my longer posts. But, I had to take the time to actually express my love, since I rarely do that in words. And these two individuals, well, they just came home from their missions. I don't care who you are, there is some element of sadness and difficulty in that. I only hope that these rare words of affirmation from me are able to help them feel love, support, and gratitude, and helps them realize that the effect of their past 18 months will touch their lives for the rest of eternity, so there is no reason to prolong the sadness. Yes, be sad, yes mourn, if you feel the need for what you have lost, but rejoice in what you will never lose because of what you did. And that's for any rm. :)

So...what, you might ask, has any of this got to do with grace?

Well, grace is what brought me to the WA-TAC. Grace is what brought me to the many incredible people now in my life, including Brewster and Julien. And grace is what constantly brings me closer to my Savior, and anything or anyone who helps me to draw nearer to Him is a little piece of grace.



P.S. Please enjoy my beautiful mission singing my beautiful mission song. And excuse me while I curl up in a ball and cry, because of it. (Just kidding. I don't do that. Except sometimes I do...)

In This Very Room

It's been a looooonnnggg time, my friends! Probably the biggest reason: I'm lazy. Other factoring reasons is that I used this blog as a way to cope with being home from the mish. I'm totes used to being an rm now, so I need my coping mechanisms much less than before. But, I still love blogging, and I want to keep this up.

Today, I want to share a story about a man named Enos. Enos is a pretty cool dude. One day, he was out in the woods hunting. He was using this time to ponder and think about life, when he started thinking about the things that his father taught him. His father was pretty important - a prophet, actually. And his father had taught him about Jesus Christ. He started thinking about his life and about his father's words, and he suddenly felt the weight of everything. of his deeds, of those words, of what everything might mean. And he decided right then and there that he needed to take his life and place it in the Lord's hands; so, he knelt down and prayed - for a really long time. Pretty much the entire day. In this prayer, he was praying to be forgiven, praying that his soul might be saved. He received an answer to his prayer, being told that it was done all according to his faith.

Encouraged, and filled with the fire of his faith, he then began to pray for his friends and family; he wanted them to feel what he felt. He wanted them to be safe and protected in this life, and to have never-ending happiness in the next. He was told that because of his prayers, and others said like them, the Lord would guide them as best as He could, but they would still have to make their own decisions.

Again, he felt like he shouldn't stop there, so he began to pray for his enemies, the very people who were trying to destroy his people. He was filled with love and charity for them.

Enos' experience has always been one that I have loved, and it has always put me in awe. The reason why this story from the Book of Mormon has been on my mind is because of a song we sang in ward choir last week. It's called "In this Very Room." This song is special to my heart for several reasons. But, separate from those reasons, the song itself has a very powerful message.

Here are the words (by Ron Harris):

"In this very room there's quite enough love for one like me;
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for one like me.
And there's quite enough hope, and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus, is in this very room.

"And in this very room there's quite enough love for all of us;
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all of us.
And there's quite enough hope, and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus, is in this very room.

"In this very room there's quite enough love for all the world;
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all the world.
And there's quite enough hope, and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus, is in this very room."

This is the progression that Enos experienced. As he prayed, he felt love and he felt joy fill him. He knew it was real, and he knew where it came from: from the Savior. As he began to understand just how much he was loved, just how important he was to the Savior, he began to feel that love and joy for his loved ones - like those who might be close to us in a room - and to understand that Christ could fill them with that. And then, it expanded to everyone. He knew that even his worst enemies needed to feel that love and that joy. The entire world!

One of the reasons why I love this song is because of a moment when I sang it with a few members of my family. We happened to just be singing some church songs, but it was on a day when some confusing, frustrating, and sad things had happened. And, as we sang this song, I understood that the particular person who kind of instigated all of those feelings was loved by Jesus Christ. That even though my family might be feeling particularly frustrated, at that moment, when the Spirit was so strong and poignant, there was enough love in the room for that person, because the Lord was near us.

I love this song because it reminds me of how important each of us is to our Elder Brother. There will always  be enough love for me. ALWAYS. He loves me so much. I'm that important to Him. But, it's not just me. His love is enough for the entire world. His love is limitless. You don't need to feel weighed down; you don't need to worry; you don't need to fear; you don't need to feel surrounded by darkness. Because in the moment you need Him, He will be in the room with you. He loves you!

I know that Jesus Christ loves me, and that is there to light the path for all of us. Each of us is important and matters to Him. There is absolutely nothing that can change it. There is absolutely no reason to sit in the darkness, because of this knowledge.