Fun fact: This post was going to be very different, but as I was writing the original and going off about "We need to be precise when talking about the Gospel so that pure doctrine is always being taught!" I realized that what I was planning on saying had A LOT of Beth thoughts that might be rooted in doctrine, but also just might be my personal beliefs. So, I decided to check myself, both through study and through asking what other people think.
What spurred the desire for this blogpost began a couple weeks ago in my ward's fast and testimony meeting. There were three people who went up and began to discuss how they wanted to be worthy to live with God again, so they try so hard to keep the commandments and do what they are supposed to. Very little of what they said even referenced the Savior. This immediately bothered me, not because I don't believe in effort, but because of my feelings about grace and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. So, I asked myself the question, "Does keeping the commandments make me worthy, or does the Atonement of Jesus Christ make me worthy?"
Let me share two different experiences I've had that make this question so significant to me.
The first happened when I was a missionary. I was knocking doors in my last area - so, it was towards the last third of my mission. I can't remember which companion I had at the time, so I'm not exactly sure of the time frame. It was late enough in my mission that I was fairly confident in my ability to answer any question and defend it doctrinally. Also, I've always been fairly pompous and prideful so I pretty much always figured I had the answer (pretty much still true). While knocking doors, an older gentleman answered and spoke with us briefly. Like a lot of Christians not of our faith, he believed all that all you needed to do was accept Christ into your heart and you would be saved. So, he asked me a question. He asked, something to the effect of, "When you meet God and are judged, what are you going to say to Him?" My response, confidently was, "I tried my best." This man's reply back to me silenced me and I've never forgotten it. He said - again, something to the effect of - "That's not it. You should be falling to your knees, thanking Him for everything, because nothing you do gets you anywhere." I don't even know if I said anything back to him, because I was so dumbfounded.
The next experience I want to share happened fairly recently at a book club. I honestly can't remember what we were talking about or how it came up, but one of the ladies said something about not being confident about living with God again, and I, mostly light-hearted and not intending to get into a Gospel discussion, said, "What, you're not sure?" And she said, "Well, you're never really sure. We try our best, but who knows what the outcome will be?" I left it at that, but I was really bothered but her uncertainty.
Now, let me point out what these experiences have in common: an emphasis on works, without putting those works in the context of God's grace.
Let me explain why this bothers me so much: because I fail. ALL. THE. TIME. There are sins that I legitimately enjoy. Like, objectively, I don't like them, I don't want to do them, but they make me feel good, so, like, in the moment, I'm having a good time. I also am a brat, am impulsive, and have a temper, so I often say and do things that I know I shouldn't. I get complacent easily because I always am looking for the easy way out. So, despite my best efforts to keep the commandments and to stay true to the covenants I have made with my Heavenly Parents, I fall short. Constantly. No matter how hard I try, I'll never reach the standard that is required for exaltation.
But.
There is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. By choosing to turn to the Savior and access the grace that He provides, I can achieve that standard. True, this is going to require work to accomplish, but it is not that work that saves me. It is my Savior.
Colin B. Douglas put it beautifully in an article he wrote for the Ensign entitled "What I've Learned about Grace Since Coming Down the Sycamore Tree." (Shout out to Sara Calton for sharing it with me, it was an AMAZING read!) Douglas uses the metaphor of Christ being a Physician. He said, "I feel myself to be somewhat like a man who has been sick with a deadly disease. But the Physician can come to such a man and assure him that, if he will remain under the Physician’s care, he will be cured. (See Matt. 9:10–13.) The treatment may be painful at times, and it will require the patient to go and do many things—which the Physician himself, through His grace, will help and empower the patient to do. (See Philip. 4:13 and Alma 26:12.) The time may be far hence when the patient finally will be pronounced whole and fit to come into the Physician’s own home and dwell with him. But if the patient continues to submit to those ministrations, that time will come."
I want to emphasize a particular line here: the Physician himself, through His grace, will help and empower the patient. Yes, we have things that we are required to do. But we are not meant to do them alone. In fact, if we attempt to keep the commandments on our own, we will fail. Our efforts to keep the commandments will not save us - unless we do it with the Savior. Ultimately, we need His grace, not only to repent, but to even begin to be successful at keeping the commandments.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say, in response to those testimonies shared, to my own naive response to that gentleman, and to that woman in my book club, your own effort, alone, is always going to fall short. It's not going to be what saves you. God's grace will do that. And you can feel confident in your eternal future if you are merely trying and turning toward the Savior.
The effort that really saves us is the effort to call upon grace and use it in our lives (again, shout out to Sara for that beautiful nugget).
So, to answer my question "Does keeping the commandments make me worthy, or does the Atonement of Jesus Christ make me worthy?" It's the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It will always be Christ. My own efforts are useless without him, and although what I do is important, I should never talk about my own efforts without acknowledging Him and what He does for me to even make my efforts possible.
