On Thursday, there was a Relief Society activity that I went to. It was just kind of a get-to-know-you activity, so there were a bunch of creative questions that each of us asked and answered. One of the questions that was asked was, "What is your life slogan?" I've actually thought about this a lot, and I have a handful of philosophies or slogans that I try to define my life by. One of the main ones is, "Get your head out of your butt!" or, it perhaps a less crude way, "It's not about you!" (with some clapping for emphasis) or, in an even more polite way, "See a need, fill a need" (Courtesy of the movie Robots). Essentially, I try to make sure that I am not living a life that revolves around me. I try to be aware of people around me and be sensitive to their needs. If I see something I can do to be helpful, I try to act without hesitating. Obviously, I'm not perfect at this, but I try to lead a life defined by that philosophy.
Another slogan or philosophy that I have been trying to take to heart is "Nevertheless, she persisted." This phrase was coined last year, because of Senator Elizabeth Warren refusing to back down in Senate when she felt her opinion was important to be shared, on moral grounds. Ironically, when she finally was obligated to sit down in silence, another senator stood up to say and read the same thing she was attempting to, without any opposition. While this was happening, to describe was Senator Warren was doing and why she silenced, it was said, "Senator Warren was giving a lengthy speech. She had appeared to violate the rule. She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted." Many people took that phrase "Nevertheless, she persisted," and used it as a rallying cry. Some, for the purpose of their political battle, some for the purpose of fighting in the face of inequality, and some, like me, for the purpose of remembering that it is important to never back down in the face of opposition.
Despite the political entanglements of this phrase, it has come to mean something significant to me. This is because we can find in the scriptures where similar things are said. One of the most impactful, and the one that is the reason why this has become significant to me comes from a very prominent story. One that many of us know well.
Christ was in a garden, praying on behalf of all of mankind. He was suffering, so much that he bled, the agony so great that he was brought low to the earth. And, yet, He said, "Father, if those be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine be done," (Luke 22:42).
Nevertheless, He persisted. He never backed down, even when the opposition was at its most fierce. Can we say the same?
Sometimes crap hits the fan. Sometimes we get depressed, have anxiety, lose loved ones, have bad days, are faced with incredible temptation, get yelled at, are given too much to accomplish in the time that we are given, feel overwhelmed, or just feel like it is unfair what we are given to deal with. What is our reaction in these times? Do we, despite everything, keep going? Or do we give up and walk away? Now, sometimes it is important to reevaluate, to take a break, to give yourself respite, or even decide that something is not worth the pain. But, sometimes the pain is worth it - necessary, even. In those moments, do we choose to, nevertheless, persist?
Persisting in the face of obstacles does not mean that we do so miserably. It means that we look beyond the problem, we understand why we are doing it, and tie it back to something we love. We find the passion behind our choices and move forward.
It is easy to get sidetracked and distracted from the things that we ultimately care about. When we do so, we will lose that passion, and it will become incredibly difficult to persist.
So, refocus on your passion. Why do you do what you do? What is the love behind the choice? In doing so, I promise you that you no matter what comes your way, no matter the trial, the discouragement, or the gloom, you will be able to, nevertheless, persist.
As Paul was facing death, he penned the words, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:" (Timothy 4:7). I hope that, in a similar manner, I can pen the words, "Nevertheless, I persisted."
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Saturday, May 12, 2018
Build your ship
I've been thinking a lot about Mosiah 18:8-9, lately. It likely has to do, in part, with the fact that I was asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting this Sunday about ministering. I think it's the perfect scripture to explain how we are supposed to minister as Christ ministered.
"...and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;
"Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in..."
If we truly desire to become disciples of Christ, these are the things that we will do; if we truly want to come closer to God and do His work, this is what we will be doing. This is how we become closer to Christ. This is how we repent. This is how we become better. We cannot create Zion by thinking only of what we need and what we want. We cannot make it back to live with God if we are only concerned about ourselves and our own salvation. Sure, we may do a lot of good, but we will miss the whole purpose of, well, everything.
Ok, so I'm going to shift topics really quick, and it may seem really random, but I promise everything will come together.
In the beginning of the Book of Mormon, Nephi was commanded to build a boat. Nephi was not a carpenter, but he did not hesitate to do as the Lord commanded, and he built a successful boat. What intrigues me with this story is what is mentioned in 1 Nephi 18:1-2.
"...we did work timbers of curious workmanship. And the Lord did show me from time to time after what manner I should work the timbers of the ship.
"Now I, Nephi, did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men, neither did I build the ship after the manner of men; but I did build it after the manner which the Lord had shown unto me; wherefore, it was not after the manner of men."
Nephi built a boat unlike any other boat, and that boat - built by a man who was not a carpenter and not well versed in the ways of boat building or probably even wood working - carried his family across the ocean. He acted according to the directions of the Lord, specific and inspired directions. Each one was meaningful and purposeful.
I once had a bishop mention this story and then mention that we all have ships in our lives: relationships, friendships, discipleship. And the question I want to pose to you is: Do you want your ships to be after the manner of men or to be of a curious workmanship?
Me? I want mine to be of a curious workmanship, because I want my ships to be inspired. I want them to carry people. This is probably going to require me to do things that are unusual to the rest of the world, things that may make me feel awkward or uncomfortable because they go against the grain (and because I tend to always feel awkward and uncomfortable...). But, it's something that is worth doing, because when we build ships after the manner that God directs us, our ships carry other people, not just ourselves.
Which brings us back full circle, to Mosiah 18:8-9. If we are going to call ourselves followers of Christ and His disciples, we need to be thinking of others, carrying others. And, honestly, it's not that hard. Like, it is, because it's a total shift in thinking for a lot of us. We have to learn to think outside of ourselves and be willing to act on any prompting we get to help another person, no matter how bizarre that prompting may be. I want to show you, though, how easy and simple it can be to build these ships and to live by the covenants we make, as discussed in Mosiah 18:8-9.
"willing to bear one another's burdens that they may be light"
The first instance I think of with this concept dealt with me coming to terms with the fact that I was attracted to women. I don't even think I have words to express the burden that felt like. It was so heavy, and I literally didn't know what to do with it. I was terrified by it and that just made it all the heavier. So, after prayer and trying to figure out what to do, I decided I needed to tell someone, but it needed to be someone non-threatening - someone I didn't interact with a whole lot, but still knew me. Someone who, if they freaked out, I wouldn't be required to speak to them again. So, I turned to a sister on my mission. I never served with her, but we knew of each other, had a few conversations, and were at the same Mission Leadership Councils. I wrote her a letter, pouring out my soul, just seeking for relief. Her simple response literally changed my life, because the weight I was bearing all alone suddenly was being shared. She kept my secret, she comforted me, and she told me I was not alone. When she responded to my letter, again, I cannot express in words the relief I felt. My burden became lighter, and I will forever be grateful to that sister missionary and friend for being my confidant and my secret-keeper at that time.
"mourn with those that mourn."
Being a part of a large family just invited family drama. It makes things more exciting that way. So, one day, while family drama was going on, I decided to step in and try to do something helpful. Well, it wasn't helpful, and it ended up in me and a few other people being even more hurt, and it felt like my heart was shattering. My sister came in, and in her wonderful way, didn't say any words, but just held me as I sobbed. There are two reasons why this is significant: we rarely touch each other in my family, but back then, it was even less so. Also, I don't know if I can think of any other instance where someone witnessed me just outright sobbing. In that moment, though, I felt my sister mourn with me. She was mourning the fact that my innocent intentions caused pain and that I felt so helpless. There probably wasn't anything else that I needed in that moment than to just have someone hold me and mourn with me.
"comfort those that stand in need of comfort"
School is always rough. Last semester, which was THE last semester of my undergraduate degree, had a few extra rough moments. There was one day where it all just kind of hit a peak, and I was done. I was stressed about my calling, several final papers and projects, social life drama, and then on top of it all, my dad ended up in the emergency room and because it was insanely busy, it was taking forever to get results. The moment my friend found out I was pretty much at my emotional limit, she came to my apartment, with a balloon, hot chocolate, fruit snacks, and a hug. She listened to me, distracted me, had her fiance come over to give me a blessing, and, essentially, gave me the comfort that I needed to make it through that evening and the next few days.
"stand as witnesses of God"
From my very first semester of college, I have been incredibly fortunate with the roommates I ended up with. Some of them have ended up becoming life long friends. My freshman year, I became roommates with someone who exemplified, to me, what it means to stand as a witness of God in any circumstance. She had family drama and boy drama throughout the almost 2 years we lived together, and whenever anything happened, she always turned towards God. She would try to figure out what God wanted her to do, what He intended for her to learn. Even now, when I visit her and her husband when I'm in Arizona, our conversations often turn towards God, faith, and following His plan for us - and keep in mind, we were roommates before I attended BYU-Idaho, so it wasn't a Church institution. It simply is the way she leads her life: never cursing God, but rather always turning towards Him and trying to help others do the same.
These four people are excellent examples to me of what it means to build ships, not after the manner of men, but after the workmanship of God. They upkeep their covenants by building up others, and I think there is nothing more beautiful than that.
My invitation for you reading this blog is to find out how you can build the ships in your life, more after the manner of God. You have friendships and relationships, and you should strive to make those special and sacred, rather than selfish and isolated. Following God's instructions and the pattern He has laid down before you, your ships will be stronger than those of the natural man.
"...and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;
"Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in..."
If we truly desire to become disciples of Christ, these are the things that we will do; if we truly want to come closer to God and do His work, this is what we will be doing. This is how we become closer to Christ. This is how we repent. This is how we become better. We cannot create Zion by thinking only of what we need and what we want. We cannot make it back to live with God if we are only concerned about ourselves and our own salvation. Sure, we may do a lot of good, but we will miss the whole purpose of, well, everything.
Ok, so I'm going to shift topics really quick, and it may seem really random, but I promise everything will come together.
In the beginning of the Book of Mormon, Nephi was commanded to build a boat. Nephi was not a carpenter, but he did not hesitate to do as the Lord commanded, and he built a successful boat. What intrigues me with this story is what is mentioned in 1 Nephi 18:1-2.
"...we did work timbers of curious workmanship. And the Lord did show me from time to time after what manner I should work the timbers of the ship.
"Now I, Nephi, did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men, neither did I build the ship after the manner of men; but I did build it after the manner which the Lord had shown unto me; wherefore, it was not after the manner of men."
Nephi built a boat unlike any other boat, and that boat - built by a man who was not a carpenter and not well versed in the ways of boat building or probably even wood working - carried his family across the ocean. He acted according to the directions of the Lord, specific and inspired directions. Each one was meaningful and purposeful.
I once had a bishop mention this story and then mention that we all have ships in our lives: relationships, friendships, discipleship. And the question I want to pose to you is: Do you want your ships to be after the manner of men or to be of a curious workmanship?
Me? I want mine to be of a curious workmanship, because I want my ships to be inspired. I want them to carry people. This is probably going to require me to do things that are unusual to the rest of the world, things that may make me feel awkward or uncomfortable because they go against the grain (and because I tend to always feel awkward and uncomfortable...). But, it's something that is worth doing, because when we build ships after the manner that God directs us, our ships carry other people, not just ourselves.
Which brings us back full circle, to Mosiah 18:8-9. If we are going to call ourselves followers of Christ and His disciples, we need to be thinking of others, carrying others. And, honestly, it's not that hard. Like, it is, because it's a total shift in thinking for a lot of us. We have to learn to think outside of ourselves and be willing to act on any prompting we get to help another person, no matter how bizarre that prompting may be. I want to show you, though, how easy and simple it can be to build these ships and to live by the covenants we make, as discussed in Mosiah 18:8-9.
"willing to bear one another's burdens that they may be light"
The first instance I think of with this concept dealt with me coming to terms with the fact that I was attracted to women. I don't even think I have words to express the burden that felt like. It was so heavy, and I literally didn't know what to do with it. I was terrified by it and that just made it all the heavier. So, after prayer and trying to figure out what to do, I decided I needed to tell someone, but it needed to be someone non-threatening - someone I didn't interact with a whole lot, but still knew me. Someone who, if they freaked out, I wouldn't be required to speak to them again. So, I turned to a sister on my mission. I never served with her, but we knew of each other, had a few conversations, and were at the same Mission Leadership Councils. I wrote her a letter, pouring out my soul, just seeking for relief. Her simple response literally changed my life, because the weight I was bearing all alone suddenly was being shared. She kept my secret, she comforted me, and she told me I was not alone. When she responded to my letter, again, I cannot express in words the relief I felt. My burden became lighter, and I will forever be grateful to that sister missionary and friend for being my confidant and my secret-keeper at that time.
"mourn with those that mourn."
Being a part of a large family just invited family drama. It makes things more exciting that way. So, one day, while family drama was going on, I decided to step in and try to do something helpful. Well, it wasn't helpful, and it ended up in me and a few other people being even more hurt, and it felt like my heart was shattering. My sister came in, and in her wonderful way, didn't say any words, but just held me as I sobbed. There are two reasons why this is significant: we rarely touch each other in my family, but back then, it was even less so. Also, I don't know if I can think of any other instance where someone witnessed me just outright sobbing. In that moment, though, I felt my sister mourn with me. She was mourning the fact that my innocent intentions caused pain and that I felt so helpless. There probably wasn't anything else that I needed in that moment than to just have someone hold me and mourn with me.
"comfort those that stand in need of comfort"
School is always rough. Last semester, which was THE last semester of my undergraduate degree, had a few extra rough moments. There was one day where it all just kind of hit a peak, and I was done. I was stressed about my calling, several final papers and projects, social life drama, and then on top of it all, my dad ended up in the emergency room and because it was insanely busy, it was taking forever to get results. The moment my friend found out I was pretty much at my emotional limit, she came to my apartment, with a balloon, hot chocolate, fruit snacks, and a hug. She listened to me, distracted me, had her fiance come over to give me a blessing, and, essentially, gave me the comfort that I needed to make it through that evening and the next few days.
"stand as witnesses of God"
From my very first semester of college, I have been incredibly fortunate with the roommates I ended up with. Some of them have ended up becoming life long friends. My freshman year, I became roommates with someone who exemplified, to me, what it means to stand as a witness of God in any circumstance. She had family drama and boy drama throughout the almost 2 years we lived together, and whenever anything happened, she always turned towards God. She would try to figure out what God wanted her to do, what He intended for her to learn. Even now, when I visit her and her husband when I'm in Arizona, our conversations often turn towards God, faith, and following His plan for us - and keep in mind, we were roommates before I attended BYU-Idaho, so it wasn't a Church institution. It simply is the way she leads her life: never cursing God, but rather always turning towards Him and trying to help others do the same.
These four people are excellent examples to me of what it means to build ships, not after the manner of men, but after the workmanship of God. They upkeep their covenants by building up others, and I think there is nothing more beautiful than that.
My invitation for you reading this blog is to find out how you can build the ships in your life, more after the manner of God. You have friendships and relationships, and you should strive to make those special and sacred, rather than selfish and isolated. Following God's instructions and the pattern He has laid down before you, your ships will be stronger than those of the natural man.
Sunday, May 6, 2018
Be ye therefore perfect
I had a completely different blogpost in mind, but I was reading Elder David A. Bednar's book, Power to Become and he clarified something that I have been thinking a lot about: perfection. He quotes President Russell M. Nelson, who discussed Christ's mandate to be perfect, in Matthew 5:48. He says, "the term perfect was translated from the Greek telios, which means 'complete.'" This is something I think that is mentioned a lot in the Mormon church, but I think how President Nelson further explains is key. "The infinitive form of the verb is teleiono, which means 'to reach a distant end, to be fully developed, to consummate, or to finish.' Please note that the word does not imply 'freedom from error'; it implies achieving a distant objective.'" He goes on to explain that the Greeks could have used a completely different word, if they wanted to mean "freedom from error."
So, let me reiterate the point that President Nelson and Elder Bednar were making: To be perfect does not mean to be without mistakes. Guys, do you know how freeing that knowledge can be? Because, literally, none of us are going to make it through this life without mistakes. I mean, that is literally the whole point of the Atonement: because we would not make it through this life without making mistakes. Recently, as I've been going to the temple and listening to the words of the ordinances and covenants, I've noticed certain words and phrases. Like "clean," or "sins are washed away." The promises are not predicated on being sinless, but on striving for obedience, turning to the Lord, and enduring to the end - finishing our journey. Or, maybe in the words of Paul, fighting the good fight.
So, what I'm trying to say to you all is, stop putting so much pressure on you, on your friends, on the church, because you are not expected to be sinless. Instead, you are expected to be clean. You are expected to turn to the Lord for forgiveness. Now, obviously, this is not permission to go out and sin; it's just reminding you that sin is, essentially, inevitable. You are going to make mistakes. And that is okay. Because we have a Savior that we can turn to. We have help along the way. When we make a mistake, we can repent and be purified and made clean. And the cool thing is, as we continue down the path and become closer and closer to finishing, it becomes easier to make less and less mistakes. AND the Atonement that Christ provided actually gives us strength to withstand and overcome, so when temptations and weakness beset us, we can turn to the Atonement, not only to become clean, but to prevent ourselves from making mistakes.
So, the point of my short and sweet blogpost today is to remind you that it is okay that you sometimes make mistakes. God did not command us to be sinless. He commanded us to repent, become clean, and make it to the end. We should strive to be as obedient as possible, but that does not mean we need to beat ourselves up, degrade ourselves, become hopeless, or believe that we are a lost cause when we do make mistakes.
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. - Isaiah 1:18
So, let me reiterate the point that President Nelson and Elder Bednar were making: To be perfect does not mean to be without mistakes. Guys, do you know how freeing that knowledge can be? Because, literally, none of us are going to make it through this life without mistakes. I mean, that is literally the whole point of the Atonement: because we would not make it through this life without making mistakes. Recently, as I've been going to the temple and listening to the words of the ordinances and covenants, I've noticed certain words and phrases. Like "clean," or "sins are washed away." The promises are not predicated on being sinless, but on striving for obedience, turning to the Lord, and enduring to the end - finishing our journey. Or, maybe in the words of Paul, fighting the good fight.
So, what I'm trying to say to you all is, stop putting so much pressure on you, on your friends, on the church, because you are not expected to be sinless. Instead, you are expected to be clean. You are expected to turn to the Lord for forgiveness. Now, obviously, this is not permission to go out and sin; it's just reminding you that sin is, essentially, inevitable. You are going to make mistakes. And that is okay. Because we have a Savior that we can turn to. We have help along the way. When we make a mistake, we can repent and be purified and made clean. And the cool thing is, as we continue down the path and become closer and closer to finishing, it becomes easier to make less and less mistakes. AND the Atonement that Christ provided actually gives us strength to withstand and overcome, so when temptations and weakness beset us, we can turn to the Atonement, not only to become clean, but to prevent ourselves from making mistakes.
So, the point of my short and sweet blogpost today is to remind you that it is okay that you sometimes make mistakes. God did not command us to be sinless. He commanded us to repent, become clean, and make it to the end. We should strive to be as obedient as possible, but that does not mean we need to beat ourselves up, degrade ourselves, become hopeless, or believe that we are a lost cause when we do make mistakes.
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. - Isaiah 1:18
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Unpack Your Heart
My favorite types of love songs are songs that don't have to be love songs. "Unpack Your Heart" by Phillip Phillips is one of those songs. There is no indication that he is singing to a significant other, though it is pretty much anyone who listens to it will assume that it is meant to be a love song. The reason why I enjoy this song so much is because I believe the attitude of the lyrics apply to any one that you love - friend, family, significant other. The brilliance of Phillip Phillips' lyrics is in the idea that when you love someone, you accept all of them. You want that person to trust you enough to lay down everything in front of you: strengths, flaws, insecurities, confidences, talents, fears, everything. Because when we truly love someone, we simply accept them for who they are. That's not to say we do not enable them to sit in their fears and weaknesses, but, rather, that we do not judge them for them.
The very last part of the song is my absolute favorite:
Bring your honor, bring your shame
All your madness I will tame.
Won't you lay down, down your guard?
Share your silence
And unpack your heart.
Not only should we love someone enough to accept someone wholly, but we should love someone enough to be completely vulnerable with them, to lay down our guard. We should be willing to let go of the silence that we carry - we all have things that we keep to ourselves, burdens that we don't share with anyone else, trials we hold in. When we love, we should be trustworthy enough to receive those things, and we should be willing to share those things.
That's not to say we just share those things willy-nilly to everyone. We are allowed discretion, but when you love someone, you should be able to bear your whole soul before them. If you cannot do that, eventually, there are two things you should consider: Do you love them and trust them as much as you should/claim? Or are they someone you can and should trust with your inner most self. If you can't, you should still love them?
I've talked a lot about how my friendships are incredibly important to me. This is because when I came into full realization of my attraction to women, I became scared of my friendships. I became scared to love. Most of my closest friends were girls, and I was so scared of what that meant. I didn't actually trust myself. What if I feel in love with one of them? What if my actions towards them were unconsciously because I was attracted to them? What if I had ulterior motives to wanting to spend time with them? Hanging out, gift giving, buying food for, all the things that I normally did, what if the were perceived to mean something different that what I intended? What if I unconsciously was doing those things because I was attracted to them?
I was really confused, and, ultimately, pretty miserable. The conclusion that I came to: It doesn't matter.
"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." 1 John 4: 7-8
Brotherly love is just as important as any other kind of love, and so I came to the conclusion that I needed to be able to move past my fears and worries, and just open up my heart to love. Ever since then, I just try to love fully, completely, and unabashedly. I'll buy meals for my friends. I'll get random little gifts for my friends. I'll do whatever I can to hang out with them. I will bend over backwards to help a friend, if I am able to. Drive a few hours just to spend a little bit of time with someone. It's all worth it.
So, moral of the story? Unpack your heart, my friends. Find friends that you are willing to do so with, and be someone your friends can do the same with you.
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