It's been around 5 years now since I came to the realization that I was gay. I was 21 years old, a recently returned missionary, and as confused as a human being could be. Honestly, a lot of that confusion still creeps up on me.
It's been quite the journey. I went from whispering anxiously that I struggled with same sex attraction, to saying with a little bit more confidence that I experienced same sex attraction, to just calling myself a lesbian (non-practicing lesbian is usually what I say, just to quickly help whoever I'm talking to understand my dealio).
I went from trying my darnedest to still date boys, convinced I was still going to get married, to just occasionally going on dates, committed to saying yes to at least a first date because I still wanted to get married, to outright accepting that I think boys are gross and that it will be a freaking miracle from God if I end up getting married to a boy. A year and a half ago, I almost decided to dip out on the church, because I was lonely, angry, confused, and just tired of being alone and daunted at the prospect of being alone for my time here on earth. Ick. I still don't like thinking about that. But, ultimately, I decided that I believed that the covenants I made with God in the temple were 100% valid and that, because of those covenants, God expected me to stay an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Unfortunately, as I received that revelation from God and the peace I had been seeking for, I didn't have all of my questions answered. I currently still have a lot of questions and a lot of uncertainty, although none of the uncertainty is towards my decision to keep my covenants and choose celibacy/loneliness/always standing apart from the Church AND the LGBT community.
What I've learned the past 5 years is the importance of not expecting or trying to force others to make the same decisions I've made. I've learned the importance of not judging other people's choices, just because they are different from what I believe. I've learned the importance of not enforcing my personal revelation on others. For example: I believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I believe, through my own efforts to seek answers and revelation from the Lord, that God expects me to not pursue anything romantic with another woman. Let me emphasize one word from that last sentence: me. I received an answer that pertains to me, and me only. God expects me.
Now, you may ask, "But, Beth, wouldn't God expect the same thing from all of His children??" Well, yes and no. God expects us to love Him. He expects us to keep His commandments. But, He also expects us to keep the commandments according to our ability. And that looks different for each person.
God expects us to keep the Sabbath day holy, right? Some people, after turning to the Lord for revelation, feel like that means it is important for them to not work on Sunday. Thus, due to the revelation given to them, they should do their best to uphold that expectation. Me? I work most Sundays. About 50% of the time, that means I don't get to go to church. Do I feel like that means I am not keeping the Sabbath day holy? No, based on my interactions with the Lord. Now, the person who received their personal revelation that they shouldn't work on the Sabbath may try to enforce that onto me, but they would be wrong in doing so. They my judge me, look down on me, scoff at me for being so unrighteous. but ultimately, my decisions are between me and God.
Now, obviously, this does translate into something a little bit differently when we consider the law of chastity and homosexuality. But, let me tell you what my journey has taught me: God expects me to love everyone and accept everyone as they are. "Hate the sin, love the sinner." Ick. I hate the quote. I love the intention behind it, but I hate what we've turned it into. Because, here's the thing: we all are sinners. And a sin is a sin is a sin. We have no right to look at somebody's sin and look down on them for it, when we, ourselves, are sinning. We've turned that phrase into an excuse to separating sins into minor and major. But, buddy, sin is sin! We have no right to do that! So, really what we should be saying is, "Hate sin. Love people." "Hate wickedness, love people." Or just, you know, "Love God and love everyone" because, you know, those are the two greatest commandments, according to the Savior, so they should be the basis of our decisions.
If someone behaves different that you - whether they're gay, drink alcohol, gamble, swear, whatever - just love them. Sometimes we do have to be particular about who we let into our lives, but that decision shouldn't be based on whether they're gay, drink alcohol, or any of that: it's based on if they bring light into your life. I know plenty of people who drink who bring light into my life. I know gay people who bring light into my life. I know people who have left the church who bring light into my life.
The whole reason for writing about this is the Honor Code fiasco with BYU. Because you know the vibe that I'm getting from BYU? They're scared of offending people, so they just made everyone mad. With their deliberate word change, how could they not assume that students would assume that they would be free to date people of the same gender, as long as they didn't have sex? I actually was thrilled at the change, excited that BYU was being inclusive, because, yes, it is a church school, but, seriously, what's the harm in holding hands and kissing? "But then they MIGHT HAVE SEX!!" Well...yeah...the same risk is there for straight couples. I guarantee plenty of them aren't keeping the law of chastity/the honor code. "But we can't show that we condone homosexuality!" Bruh. Everyone gets it, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints doesn't condone homosexuality and teaches that God defines marriage as a union between a man and a women.
Allowing gays to freaking hold hands isn't changing doctrine. You know what it DOES do? It allows people to not be afraid. It allows people to not go 4+ years with crushing loneliness because you literally CAN'T be with anybody you are attracted to. Imagine not being able to be held when you're upset, not having a person to go to, and watching everyone around get into relationships and just slowly leave you behind. Sure, just date someone of the opposite gender, there's people who do it and seem happy - but, honestly, not everyone is gonna be happy with that. To me, that sounds not ideal. I'd say repulsive but will dudes find that offensive?
By changing the words of the Honor Code, to simply say that sexual relations were not ok, the LGBT community found hope. They were excited at being included and accepted. They understood it was not a change in doctrine of a church, but in policy of a freaking university. Like, do people understand BYU is NOT the church? Because sometimes I think people forget.
And now, BYU is backpedaling hardcore, because all of a sudden the gays were out, and members of the church were furious. But...why? Why do people need to get so angry at people just...living? Me personally, I'd like to think that, if BYU is the Lord's university (a phrase I actually hate a lot, but, you know, whatever) I think He'd be thrilled that people of any identity were happy, felt accepted, and not judged.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is...I believe God expects us to love His children and to accept them as they are. Obviously, we make invitations to come closer to Christ, but that is going to look different for each person. I'm really saddened by people's reactions to the policy change, and I'm disappointed that BYU administrators have chosen fear and protecting an image over acceptance and love. But, my job is simply to keep loving. I will continue to keep living the way I feel God wants me to live, while not holding others to my personal standards. Beth Root's standards are not everyone's standards, and that honestly is perfectly ok. I actually think that's the way it's supposed to be. God's path for me looks very different than God's path for everyone else. So, I just love.
