This video perfectly explains how I have felt this past weekend. The phrase, "I hope ya know I had a hard time," is very similar to the words I was crying to the Lord. Sometimes that's all we can say. We don't have the words to say anything else, so we just say, "This is really hard." Or, "I really need help." Or, "Please send some comfort." There's nothing else that we can say.
When we take the time to say those words, Heavenly Father is so pleased, because many of His children will simply not say anything, and struggle in silence, not asking for help, not even acknowledging Him. All He wants is to help us so that we can be happy.
In the words of the song, "Better than a Hallelujah," which says, "We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody, beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts are better than a hallelujah."
Sometimes we think that we ought not bother our Heavenly Father with our lives; but, whenever we pour our hearts out to Him, He sees the beauty in our faith and our hope. He sees the beauty our tears, whether they're silent, loud, seen, or not seen. And He will pour down blessings of comfort - if we are open to receive it. He will comfort us with people, with scriptures, with the Spirit. We simply have to look for it.
After a bit of a rough weekend, I'm grateful Heavenly Father sees the beauty in the disaster that I am and I'm grateful that He answers those prayers of heartbreak and sorrow.
I've been up in Rexburg for nearly a month, now. It's been a little bit of a roller coaster ride. I went home one weekend for a family event and then last weekend I went down to Utah for a mission reunion. So, my weekends have been pretty insane.
I have a job; I help out at an after school program at a junior high. I help facilitate little class sessions and try to help students to stay on task.
I have a new calling, as the 1st counselor in the Relief Society presidency. Pretty much, I have no clue what I'm doing.
I'm in 5 classes. I feel like the majority of my time is spent doing homework. I'm not used to being in school, since it's been 2 1/2 years since I've done this thing, so the semester started out rough. I had an F in one of my classes last week; it's up to a B now, will A's in all my other classes. But, if any of you know me well, you know that the F was driving me up the wall and caused my self-esteem to take a little hit. (Beth Root doesn't fail ANYTHING!)
I have 5 roommates. So, 6 girls in one apartment. My initial thoughts were, "I'm never going to be in my apartment, because girls are crazy!" and I've never been able to stand crazy girl drama. Don't worry, though, because ALL of my roommates are AMAZING and I love each of them dearly. From the very beginning we all have gotten along and we share our space pretty well, and so far, there hasn't been any crazy girl drama.
Where I'm at in life, I feel a lot of pressure to be social and to create deep and meaningful relationships - especially with those of the opposite gender, if you catch my drift.
On top of everything else, I've been missing my family like crazy, because I just spent the last 10 1/2 month JUST spending time with them. My sister just had a baby that I don't get to hold. My little niece just took her first steps, and I missed them. I don't get hugs from little ones, or get their slimy, sweet little kisses.
Needless to say, there has been A LOT on my mind; a lot of worry, a lot of stress, a lot of wondering what the heck I'm doing.
BUT! There also has been so many blessings. Each time I started feeling overwhelmed, Heavenly Father would swoop in and pour down so many blessings. My roommates have become my best friends up here. I got my job because of a friend, and it came at the most opportune time. My calling has already filled me with great amounts of love, and I'm so excited for serving the sisters. I'm starting to get on top of homework - and even getting ahead of things, so life is a little less stressful! I was blessed with an unexpected scholarship, which allows me to save more money than I thought I was going to be able to.
In reality, despite all of these things pressing up against me, things that, a few years before, would have probably given me mini panic attacks on a regular basis, because of the amount of stress, I am So. Happy. Life is good! I have numbered only a few of the blessings that I have received. And the blessings I have mentioned, I can't even express how deeply they mean to me.
My first couple of weeks, when I still was feeling incredibly stressed, Heavenly Father frequently reminded me that it all was going to work out. And more than work out, it would be for my good. It would be alright, it would be good, it would be beautiful.
Life is so much more enjoyable when, despite the hardships and horrible bumpy patches, we simply focus on what we've learned or what good happened because of it. Sometimes, when life becomes overwhelming, we have to stop fighting against it, and float on - we have to let Heavenly Father carry us where He wants us, and then we can get back up on our feet, having learned something beautiful and we'll have the strength to move on - and the strength to let Him carry us again, when the time comes for that.
So, just don't worry; we'll all float on, alright.
