In June 2002, President Nelson gave a talk during a seminar to new mission presidents about the Atonement. In it, he talks about the meaning of the Atonement, referencing how different languages describe the Atonement differently. He says, "Other languages may employ words that connote either expiation or reconciliation. Expiation means to atone for.' Reconciliation comes from Latin roots re, meaning 'again'; con, meaning 'with'; and sell, meaning 'seat.' Reconciliation, therefore literally means 'to sit again with.'"
When I read this, I couldn't stop thinking of the idea that the Atonement means that the Savior sits with us. And then I immediately thought of two experiences in which people sat with me, helping me feeling God's love and helping to lead me to use the power of the Atonement.
While I was wrestling with my relationship with the church and whether or not it was worth it to stay active, I had a lot of hurt in my heart. I was confused, bitter, frustrated, and even angry towards God. I was searching for answers and doing just about everything I could to find answers and find relief, but I couldn't seem to find it. I couldn't resolve my identity as a woman who was attracted to other women and my identity as a member of the church. I couldn't make sense of what my place was and what God truly expected of me. During this journey, I also took up a few unhealthy and less than ideal habits to try to ease the feelings I was dealing with. At one point, I was visiting a friend from my mission. While we were catching up, I was very candid with her. I spoke with her about some of the mistakes I made, the feelings I had, my confusion, and how I just couldn't seem to find relief. She listened and she sympathized. And when I said that, if I were to walk away from the church and choose to have a girlfriend, I would probably just disappear from the lives of my mission friends. In response, she told me that, unequivocally, was not allowed to disappear. She said that, even if I leave the church, she wanted to be a part of my life and meet whoever I dated, so that she could also be a part of her life.
In that moment, my friend sat with me. Truly sat with me. She accepted everything I was going through, saw everything that I was and struggling with, and sat with me. And, in that instance, I felt God's love. After that conversation with my friend, I began to stop feeling shame about my questions, confusion, and bitterness, because I felt acceptance from someone who was willing to sit with me. This, in turn, led me to Christ. I began to be able to feel more of his influence, and the hurts that I had been carrying started to heal, and I began to experience reconciliation. Because my friend sat with me, I was able to sit with Christ.
Last week, I had a lot of shame and frustration that I was carrying. I wanted to avoid the problems instead of facing them. Because of this, I really didn't want to go to church, because I was afraid that the place where I can go to feel peace and God's love would end up causing me hurt and bitterness. But, I went and I had another friend who sat with me. She created a space that was safe and comfortable so that the shame and frustration turned into healing and peace. My friend sat with me, which helped me to sit with Christ.
If the Atonement means that we sit again with Christ, then we have a very important role as disciples of Jesus Christ: to sit with people. We sit with others, no matter what state they are in, how repentant they are, or how they feel towards God, because as we sit with them, we are able to help point them to Christ. By sitting with people, we are able to help them sit with Christ again.
I'm grateful for these two friends - and many others - who sat with me, because I was able to experience reconciliation.
