Born to Fly - 2016

It's not quite the new year, but this just means that, for once in my life, I'm NOT procrastinating. I know, I know, let's not all die of shock, friends. People are allowed to change, right??

I've been doing a lot of thinking about growth and about where I want to go. I've been thinking about this past year and what's happened and what I've been able to accomplish.

• Had a relationship end at the very beginning of the year, which took me much longer to get over than I'd ever like to admit.
• I finally got a grasp on the whole return missionary thing. Again, that took me a lot longer to get used to than I'd ever like to admit. (The beginning of 2015 was a bit rough on me emotionally.)
• I fulfilled a calling as a Sunday School teacher 12 and 13 year olds. I do NOT miss that class, though I definitely miss teaching.
• I finished up my job at Gecko Grill, resolving never to ever work food service again, though very grateful for the people that I met, and the blessing it was to have that job (and the money I earned). 
• I went to California for the first time and fell in love with the beach and the ocean. Like, I still think about the beach all the time and it's been almost 6 months.
• I went on a Utah trip, completely on my own, which may not seem like a big deal, but it made me feel very adult. I planned it all by myself, did all the driving, by myself, and didn't starve, sleep in my car, or die. I adulted successfully!
• I moved up to Idaho for school, terrified out of my mind at the thought of living with 5 strangers, having to find a job, and tacking college after 2 1/2 years of no school.
• I made besties out of those 5 strangers.
• I got a job at an after school program for the junior high in Rexburg, which I LOVE!
• I was called to be the 1st counselor in the Relief Society presidency, which was humbling, but I loved it so much!
• I went swing dancing (once).
• I successfully finished the semester with straight A's.

So 2015. I feel like it was a successful year. I legitimately feel like I am chasing the dreams that I have - or, in the words of Sara Bareilles, I'm chasing the sun. I've been trying to make my life mean something, trying not to waste the time I have here on Earth. I've loved it, especially the past few months. Like I said earlier, the beginning of this year was a little rough on me, especially emotionally. It took me a little while to get back on my feet. I blundered my way through life for a little bit, faking my way through things, But, I got things figured out, and I am ending this year genuinely and incredibly happy. 

So, recap on this past year's goals:

Physical - to run. HAHAHAHAHA yeah that didn't happen. I'm not even sorry about it. Ok, I am a little bit. I mean, I bought decent shoes, so like, that's a bummer.

Mental - straight A's, yo. DONE!

Financial - to have money in my account and to not be forced to live paycheck to paycheck. DONE! (though no promises for next semester...)

Spiritual - Temple every week. Definitely struggled with this. Idaho is cold and the temple is like a 20 minute walk...so I convinced myself to not go multiple times. I AM sorry about this one.

Social - express love in some way every single day. Now, I don't know if I did every day, but I sure did try, and I sure did improve at expressing my love. I'd call this a success.

Ultimate goal: be happy. DONE! Done more than I think I anticipated.

So...what can I do this next year, the year of 2016 to fly even higher? To chase my dreams further? To become even closer to the Beth Ann Root I'm meant to become? That is the question.

So. Goals for 2016.

Physical - We all know I'm not going to go running. And we all know I'm not going to stop eating pizza. But I definitely need to be better at taking care of my body. So...a couple of small steps. I will walk to work at least twice a week. It will probably be way more, but I got kinda lazy this last semester. And, pizza only once a week (not including Totino's pizza. I mean, people say it's not even real pizza, anyway.) And, salads. Beth will eat salads.

Mental - I want to enjoy my school work. I want my classes to be a joy. I know I can make that a thing by giving my classes time - so it doesn't stress me out - and by not complaining. So...I guess the real goal is to complain less. For my mental health.

Financial - Pizza only once a week. And, if I have pizza, then I can't go to Cafe Rio that week. The struggle is real, my friends!

Spiritual - I will write in my journal every single day. 

Social - I will actually leave my apartment at least once a week for something outside of church on Sunday and family home evening to hang out with peeps. Because my apartment has become a safe place and I have ceased to step out of my comfort zone when it comes to socializing. 

Ultimate - Be happier. I want to be happier than I am now. I want to increase in joy. That is the purpose of goals and reflecting on the new year, is it not? To reach new heights of joy?

So, that's Beth Root. That's what I've been, and what I want to do. 

Why do I bother sharing this with you? To brag my accomplishments? (there really aren't that many, so that'd be dumb of me to do.) To just ramble on because I'm bored (well, a little.? 

It's because I want you all to reflect. I want you to think. And then I want you to run after your goals and your dreams. Run hard. Because what's life without a dream to catch? We all have great things to accomplish, no matter where we are in life. I believe that with all my heart and soul! In fact, I believe that each of us were born to fly. It doesn't matter where you are or where you've been. If you start right where you are, you can take off running, and you'll be surprised to find yourself up in the sky, capturing those beautiful, wonderful dreams.

Home

Since September 14th, I've made Rexburg, Idaho my home. I'm not unfamiliar with making other places my home. Flagstaff, Washington, now Rexburg. Mesa and the surrounding valley holds many people that I love dearly, but it's no longer home. I'm okay with that. But...let me tell you why.

This semester has been full of ups and down. At one point I was failing a class (something that has never happened before, and caused me great amounts of stress.). I had spent the previous 10 1/2 months building up my relationship with my family, only to move hundreds of miles away and to feel completely isolated from them. That was really hard to deal with at first. I was surrounded by strangers - it wasn't like going to Flagstaff, where I had my sister, Mesa High peeps, and one of my best friends from high school all around me. I've had my own set of struggles this semesters. Trials of all sorts. But, Heavenly Father gave me the tools to make this place home.

He sent me friends and roommates. People who have put up with my moodiness, sass, sarcasm, awkwardness, my brusque, sometimes harsh behavior and attitude. And they have loved me despite it. They see the good in me. They've supported me as I've shared secrets about myself, my struggles, and insecurities. They've uplifted me out of my funks. They've made me literally fall to the floor in laughter. They've caused me to step out of my comfort zone and stretch a little bit more. Their love has inspired me to be more selfless. Through their example, I have come closer to my Savior.

They have made Rexburg home for me.

From that very first day, I knew there was something special about apartment 106. Then, our first Sunday, we all gathered around to have dinner as roommates, and have never stopped having moments and occasions like that. They made me feel at home.

In my hardest times, when I felt incredible frustration and confusion, my roommates actions and responses echo the words of the beautiful song by Phillip Phillps. "Settle down it'll all be clear. Don't pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear. The trouble - it might drag you down, if you're lost you can always be found. Just know you're not alone; 'cause I'm gonna make this place your home."

Rexburg has become home. And it's only because of those blessed people in my life these past few months who have made it so. I had to say goodbye to one of them this afternoon. It was bittersweet, as she will be submitting her papers for a mission soon, so I know the reason why she's not returning is for one of the best of reasons, But bitter because she's helped to make this place home. And it's the same separating with everyone of my roommates. They've helped to create a home for me.

Home is where the heart is. The heart is where the love is. And I've been blessed to feel such immense love this semester. I would be in remiss for not saying so.

Obligatory Thanksgiving post.

It's Thanksgiving again, and just as everyone tends to, my mind has been turning towards what I'm most thankful for. As I look back on my life a year ago, the things I'm grateful for has changed drastically.

A year ago, my mind was still filled with my mission, and I had a hard time looking past that. I was grateful for my mission and for my mission peeps. I was grateful for be helping to teach mission prep (I miss that tons, and wish I could still be teaching it) and I was grateful for my family. There wasn't a whole lot more than that, because I was really discontent with my life. I tried to act differently, but that was the truth.

Now, I'm in a completely different place. I've been striving to apply the principle that President Uchtdorf taught of being grateful in our circumstances, and not for things. And, when we actually are grateful in our circumstances, we find a lot more to be grateful for.

I'm still grateful for my mission. There is absolutely nothing that can change that. That gratitude, love, and passion for my mission and my mission peeps will never go away, will never fade. A piece of my heart will forever be in that land of green and grey.

I'm so incredibly grateful for my family. I miss them TONS, and it's super hard not being with them today. I'm grateful for my relationship with them now. I'm grateful for the incredible things that have happened this year for my family - from two new nieces, to a brother's re-baptism.

I'm grateful for my calling, and how it fills me with love for the wonderful sisters in my relief society and causes me to grow and think outside of myself.

I'm grateful for my job, though sometimes it's super frustrating, it's often a lot of fun, and I've come to love those annoying, bratty kids that I work with.

I'm grateful to be going to school again and to have the opportunity to chase my dreams. I'm grateful for how nicely my classes have worked out this semester, and then for next semester.

There is something that I've become especially grateful for over the past few months. Heavenly Father has placed 5 special blessings into my life to help me out this semester, and hopefully the rest of my life. They are my roommates. Let me tell you a little bit about them and why I'm so grateful for them.

Maren Flake. She has an incredible desire to simply do what's right and nothing more or less. She tries so hard and she loves deeply. She's always super busy, because she's going to school, working, and is engaged, yet she always finds time to do things like study her scriptures and write in her journal. She might fall asleep as she prays...but that's because she works so hard throughout the day, that the minute she relaxes, her body just sleeps. I'm grateful for her example and her righteous desires.

Natalie Nielson. Natalie is one of those people that will quietly go about doing good, and will continue to do good, even if nobody notices or acknowledges. She thinks of others often before herself, and won't dare to say a negative word towards someone. She's happy, diligent, and one of the kindest people I've ever met.

Danielle Jackson. If you met her, you won't very quickly forget her. She is always completely herself, and will never apologize for it, and I think that is an incredible quality. It helps me to remember that I should always be myself, because there's no one else I'd rather be. She's hilarious, loves fun, and loves to play hard - which is awesome, because I love to play hard, too! (When I'm not doing schoolwork...which I feel like is always...)

Emmie Christensen. Emmie probably has one of the purest hearts I've ever met. If there was one characteristic I feel like she embodies, it would be charity. She tries to see the best in people, and once she loves a person, she loves fiercely, and will frankly forgive, because she loves so much. She's super passionate about family history, which is a huge example to me. And she will always, always play games with me.

Dani Kellogg. She's another one who loves deeply. You become friends with Dani, and I feel like you've pretty much just gained a friend for life. She's obedient to the will of the Lord and diligently seeks His will, which inspires me to try to align my will with His more faithfully.

There's so much more I could say about these wonderful girls in my life. I'm so grateful for my Heavenly Father having he foresight to make me wait 10 months to go to BYU-I so I could room with them and to have friends that I don't think I can now live without.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! Remember what is most important and all the little things in between! And...eat lots of food. :)

God just hears a melody

This video perfectly explains how I have felt this past weekend. The phrase, "I hope ya know I had a hard time," is very similar to the words I was crying to the Lord. Sometimes that's all we can say. We don't have the words to say anything else, so we just say, "This is really hard." Or, "I really need help." Or, "Please send some comfort." There's nothing else that we can say.

When we take the time to say those words, Heavenly Father is so pleased, because many of His children will simply not say anything, and struggle in silence, not asking for help, not even acknowledging Him. All He wants is to help us so that we can be happy.

In the words of the song, "Better than a Hallelujah," which says, "We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody, beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts are better than a hallelujah."

Sometimes we think that we ought not bother our Heavenly Father with our lives; but, whenever we pour our hearts out to Him, He sees the beauty in our faith and our hope. He sees the beauty our tears, whether they're silent, loud, seen, or not seen. And He will pour down blessings of comfort - if we are open to receive it. He will comfort us with people, with scriptures, with the Spirit. We simply have to look for it.

After a bit of a rough weekend, I'm grateful Heavenly Father sees the beauty in the disaster that I am and I'm grateful that He answers those prayers of heartbreak and sorrow.

Float On

I've been up in Rexburg for nearly a month, now. It's been a little bit of a roller coaster ride. I went home one weekend for a family event and then last weekend I went down to Utah for a mission reunion. So, my weekends have been pretty insane.

I have a job; I help out at an after school program at a junior high. I help facilitate little class sessions and try to help students to stay on task.

I have a new calling, as the 1st counselor in the Relief Society presidency. Pretty much, I have no clue what I'm doing.

I'm in 5 classes. I feel like the majority of my time is spent doing homework. I'm not used to being in school, since it's been 2 1/2 years since I've done this thing, so the semester started out rough. I had an F in one of my classes last week; it's up to a B now, will A's in all my other classes. But, if any of you know me well, you know that the F was driving me up the wall and caused my self-esteem to take a little hit. (Beth Root doesn't fail ANYTHING!)

I have 5 roommates. So, 6 girls in one apartment. My initial thoughts were, "I'm never going to be in my apartment, because girls are crazy!" and I've never been able to stand crazy girl drama. Don't worry, though, because ALL of my roommates are AMAZING and I love each of them dearly. From the very beginning we all have gotten along and we share our space pretty well, and so far, there hasn't been any crazy girl drama.

Where I'm at in life, I feel a lot of pressure to be social and to create deep and meaningful relationships - especially with those of the opposite gender, if you catch my drift.

On top of everything else, I've been missing my family like crazy, because I just spent the last 10 1/2 month JUST spending time with them. My sister just had a baby that I don't get to hold. My little niece just took her first steps, and I missed them. I don't get hugs from little ones, or get their slimy, sweet little kisses.

Needless to say, there has been A LOT on my mind; a lot of worry, a lot of stress, a lot of wondering what the heck I'm doing.

BUT! There also has been so many blessings. Each time I started feeling overwhelmed, Heavenly Father would swoop in and pour down so many blessings. My roommates have become my best friends up here. I got my job because of a friend, and it came at the most opportune time. My calling has already filled me with great amounts of love, and I'm so excited for serving the sisters. I'm starting to get on top of homework - and even getting ahead of things, so life is a little less stressful! I was blessed with an unexpected scholarship, which allows me to save more money than I thought I was going to be able to.

In reality, despite all of these things pressing up against me, things that, a few years before, would have probably given me mini panic attacks on a regular basis, because of the amount of stress, I am So. Happy. Life is good! I have numbered only a few of the blessings that I have received. And the blessings I have mentioned, I can't even express how deeply they mean to me.

My first couple of weeks, when I still was feeling incredibly stressed, Heavenly Father frequently reminded me that it all was going to work out. And more than work out, it would be for my good. It would be alright, it would be good, it would be beautiful.

Life is so much more enjoyable when, despite the hardships and horrible bumpy patches, we simply focus on what we've learned or what good happened because of it. Sometimes, when life becomes overwhelming, we have to stop fighting against it, and float on - we have to let Heavenly Father carry us where He wants us, and then we can get back up on our feet, having learned something beautiful and we'll have the strength to move on - and the strength to let Him carry us again, when the time comes for that.

So, just don't worry; we'll all float on, alright.

One last weekend

This is a song that I super love. I love it because it talks about seeing the good in life. Every day really can be a good day!

As I think about this past weekend, I feel like this song describes it perfectly. It pretty much was the best weekend I could ask for, especially since this is my last weekend before heading up to Idaho.

There has been a lot on my mind in regards to this move up to Idaho. One, I haven't done school for a long time. There is a lot I don't remember. Plus, thanks to transferring, I'm pretty much back to square one in my degree progress. Two, I need a job. I've been super fortunate with my previous jobs; they were pretty much handed to me. I know that it will all work out. Heavenly Father wants me in Idaho, so He'll take care of me, but it's still a little worry in the back of my head. Three, roommates. I've spent the last 10 1/2 months in my own room, not having to interact with people unless I chose to. I'm going to be living with 5 girls that I know very little about. I'm excited about it, but also nervous because what it they're crazy? What if I  am the crazy one?! What if they don't like sharing? But what if they're super awesome and we all become super tight besties? Who knows?! It makes me anxious.

Four. This is the big one. When I was preparing to come home from my mission, I had many conversations with Heavenly Father. I didn't want to go home. I wanted to stay for another 6 months. I would have done literally anything to have stayed. I asked Him why I needed to go home. His answer? For my family. I was going home for my family. He didn't get any more specific for that. So, I have spent the last almost 11 months with my family. Helping when I can; movie nights; baby sitting; trying in all the ways I can to express my love. And, guys, I'm heart broken. I've worked so hard to create this bond with my siblings that I'm dreading leaving. I rarely was homesick when I was in Flagstaff. And if I did get homesick, I lived 2 1/2 hours away. Not a big deal. On my mission, the only times I really yearned to be with family was when a new baby was born or when my grandpa died. I've always loved my family, but I've also been pretty chill with being away from them, for the most part. But now? When I'm bored, I go to a siblings house. To cheer myself up, I go visit nieces and nephews. I willingly submit myself to chaos. Why would Heavenly Father tell me that I needed to go home for my family only to have me leave 11 months later, except now I'm just super sad. THAT'S been on my mind.

So, I wanted to clear my mind this weekend. I wanted to stop the anxiety, I wanted to have fun, and I wanted to be able to arrive in Idaho with confidence. Heavenly Father is good to me, and provided what I needed.

Friday night, a mission friend flew in from Utah and another mission friend and I went to pick her up and then we all went over to another mission friend's home where we slept over. We then spent Saturday temple hopping and in the evening drove to Snowflake for yet another mission friend and her wedding reception. Sunday we separated so I could go to my own ward but then drove back to Phoenix that night to spend the night with them. Today, the one from Utah went back home and I finished up the last of my college shopping and then spent the evening in the midst of my chaotic family as one last hurrah for me before I leave.

The two friends I spent the most time with have been home for barely a month, so they still have a lot of that missionary enthusiasm for all things spiritual and Gospel related. Through the vicious Phase 10 games, the long hours in the car, the late nights (or early mornings, whatever you want to call it), and the ridiculous amount of discussion about boys, there was a special spirit that managed to remain the entire time. It gave me incredible clarity.

For the first time in a long while I allowed myself time to actually hold a conversation with the Lord, instead of me giving a list of demands and getting frustrated at the lack of revelation in my life.

For the first time in a long while, when I looked inward and saw my weaknesses and flaws, instead of  getting frustrated and discouraged by the struggles, I turned to Heavenly Father and said, "Alright, how can we fix this?" and received clear counsel.

For the first time in a long while, I was able to accept gentle chastisement - which may or may not have even been given unintentionally - and I felt that true godly sorrow, instead of just a small twinge of guilt at maybe not being as good as I could, which allowed me to have a sweet experience during the sacrament.

For the first time in a long while, I felt similar to how I felt when I was a missionary - even though there was not one moment of proselyting, knocking doors, walking up to random strangers and trying to introduce the Gospel to them, or wearing my treasured nametag.

And then the perfect ending to this long weekend? At my family gathering, my mom had the brilliant idea to have everyone "golden chair" me. It's an old family tradition we stopped doing a long time ago; when it was someones birthday, we'd all have to say something nice about the birthday kid. My mom thought that since I'm leaving, everyone needed to say something nice about me. As expected, everyone made a fuss, since we haven't done it in years, and because I'm pretty sure the last 3 times we revived the golden chair, it was for me too (youngest child perks). But, they stopped fussing and said nice things.

Now, if anyone knows my family, they will know that we express love, not by compliments, but by snarky, sarcastic comments. So, flat out kind words often make me feel super uncomfortable (words of affirmation. Not my strength). Luckily, most of my siblings prefaced their kind words with love-filled sarcasm. The best part of it? For the first time in 11 months, I felt like I had succeeded in doing more than just go to work. Heavenly Father had told me that I needed to go home because of my family. Do I know the reason why any better than I did 11 months ago? Not really. But, that's fine, because my family knows that I love them. They each acknowledged it in their own way in whatever they said to me. These past 11 months haven't been just a waste of time, while I've been waiting to go to school and move on with the rest of my life.

So, now, I feel ready. I'm a lot less anxious. I'm a lot more sure. I'm a lot more excited. I'm a lot more prepared, spiritually. Bring it on, Idaho! Nothing is going to stop me from me from making these beautiful days into a beautiful semester!

Amazing Grace

I've been home for nearly 10 months, now. I still think an awful lot about my mission. I'm pretty sure my peeps at work roll their eyes whenever I mention it, now. I'm pretty sure the sister missionaries in my ward are tired of hearing about my mission, while they're creating precious memories of their own missions. I'm pretty sure everyone is tired of me referring to either before my mission or after my mission. I don't know how else to measure time...haha!

Tuesday was another transfer day in the WA-TAC. Which means that yesterday some WA-TAC missionaries came home. A few of those peeps mean a lot to me, and it's gotten me thinking a lot about the people I served with and the lessons I learned.

I want to preface anything else I'm going to say with the statement, "By the grace of God." My mission's song was "Amazing Grace," arrangement by James Koerts. We sang it ALL the time, and it laid the foundation for my entire mission. Grace was the theme of my life for 18 months, and I hope for the rest of my life.

By the grace of God, I served with incredible people.
By the grace of God I was able to learn crucial lessons.
By the grace of God I saw people change.
By the grace of God I saw myself change.

Anyways, what spurred this blogpost were the ponderings of two specific missionaries who came home. Now, I don't often do posts on specific people - words of affirmation, NOT my strong point. I tend to feel awkward doing it, and I automatically assume that the other person feels awkward, which makes me feel more awkward, and then it's just a big mess of awkwardness. But, sometimes I get ideas in my head and I decide to run with it and I just try to not think too much about it, because then I'll feel awkward and never finish whatever it is. So this is me, not thinking to much and just doing.

First person: the wonderful Sister Brewster.

I was Brewster's second companion, her follow-up trainer. I had never follow-up trained, I had never trained. In fact, most of my companions had been out longer than me. I was nervous. But, I started working with her, and I was impressed by this greenie who would be bold, would invite everyone, and who wouldn't complain when I suggested that we knock doors outside of 5-7's.

Our companionship was a little bit rough, due to my personality being very different from hers. I'm a listener. I can listen to a person talk for days. In fact, I LOVED listening to my companions talk about their lives. What I sucked at was talking. The companion I had before Brewster could talk for hours on end. Half the time, I didn't even need to ask a question; if I did, I just needed to ask one, and she'd go off. It pretty much was the best. I was so used to that, that I kinda sucked at talking with Brewster. She liked to talk, I liked to listen, but she actually wanted me to talk back. It was a little bit of a foreign idea for me, and often she thought my silence meant dislike.

Remember how I suck at words of affirmation? Well, I guess that sometimes people need words of affirmation. I forgot how much I needed that as a greenie, even though words of affirmation make me uncomfortable. I would tell Brewster occasionally how amazing she was doing and how impressed I was of her, but I neglected to do it often. I assumed that because I told her once, she'd remember that I thought she was an amazing missionary. Duh, Root, who remembers that in moments of insecurities?

So, our companionship was one of her being unsure of who the heck I was, because I wouldn't talk, of her being unsure how I felt about her/thought she was doing as a missionary, because I suck at saying encouraging things, of me just doing the work and loving it, of me being impressed with my little step-baby, and of my being completely oblivious to Brewster's uncertainties.

AFTER we were companions, I began to understand a little bit more what all was going through Brewster's head when we were companions, and I regretted not taking more moments to tell Brewster how awesome she was.

Brewster worked hard to come on a mission - partially Heavenly Father pushed her to work hard to come. And I love her for that. She fought every doubt and every insecurity, and now, 18 months later, she's home, and even more incredible than she was when we were companions. So, I'm here to say just a couple nice things about my lovely step-daughter.

One, she has an incredible testimony. Whether or not she believes it, so much of testimony is choosing to rely on faith, and she keeps choosing to believe, rather than doubt.

Two, she loves so much, so fully, and so deep. She even loved crazy, grumpy, oblivious me.

Three, she is so strong. The past 18 months of her life proves it, and I admire her for it.

Ok, so the next person. Sister Julien. She actually had been companions with Brewster in the MTC, and Brewster thought the WORLD of Julien, so I heard all about her. She sounded pretty awesome, so I made sure to pay attention to her whenever our paths crossed.

Turns out we served as STLs at the same time. Never as companions, but in mission leadership council, we'd talk a bit, and I quickly developed a deep respect for Julien. She had a deep understanding of Gospel principles, and a firm, confident testimony.

I came home from my mission and, because I was so impressed with Julien, I put her on my weekly email list (and by weekly, I mean I tried to email weekly, but I've always sucked at keep in regular contact with anybody.) and she ended up putting me on hers. Again, her depth of understanding  impressed me, and loved reading about the person she was becoming.

Being a return missionary comes with its own set of hardships; everyone experiences different ones. At one point, I was feeling particularly...isolated. For a number of reasons. I was frustrated about it, and that kind of only made things worse. And, the most random thing ever, at least to me, I had the thought to write to Julien about it. She didn't know me very well, which for some reason, took away the awkwardness of the situation, plus I knew I would receive absolutely zero judgment from her.

So, I wrote to her, and then what was one of those friendships because of mutual respect and because we thought the other person was pretty cool (at least I thought Julien was pretty cool) turned into a strong friendship of loyalty where I knew she had my back, and I totes had her back.

And the reason why it happened? Because Sister  Julien is probably one of the most Christlike individuals I've ever come in contact with. And I love her for it. I'm a better person for only slightly knowing her. I'm a stronger person because of it. Pretty much, Julien is just absolutely amazing.

So...anyway...this is one of my longer posts. But, I had to take the time to actually express my love, since I rarely do that in words. And these two individuals, well, they just came home from their missions. I don't care who you are, there is some element of sadness and difficulty in that. I only hope that these rare words of affirmation from me are able to help them feel love, support, and gratitude, and helps them realize that the effect of their past 18 months will touch their lives for the rest of eternity, so there is no reason to prolong the sadness. Yes, be sad, yes mourn, if you feel the need for what you have lost, but rejoice in what you will never lose because of what you did. And that's for any rm. :)

So...what, you might ask, has any of this got to do with grace?

Well, grace is what brought me to the WA-TAC. Grace is what brought me to the many incredible people now in my life, including Brewster and Julien. And grace is what constantly brings me closer to my Savior, and anything or anyone who helps me to draw nearer to Him is a little piece of grace.



P.S. Please enjoy my beautiful mission singing my beautiful mission song. And excuse me while I curl up in a ball and cry, because of it. (Just kidding. I don't do that. Except sometimes I do...)

In This Very Room

It's been a looooonnnggg time, my friends! Probably the biggest reason: I'm lazy. Other factoring reasons is that I used this blog as a way to cope with being home from the mish. I'm totes used to being an rm now, so I need my coping mechanisms much less than before. But, I still love blogging, and I want to keep this up.

Today, I want to share a story about a man named Enos. Enos is a pretty cool dude. One day, he was out in the woods hunting. He was using this time to ponder and think about life, when he started thinking about the things that his father taught him. His father was pretty important - a prophet, actually. And his father had taught him about Jesus Christ. He started thinking about his life and about his father's words, and he suddenly felt the weight of everything. of his deeds, of those words, of what everything might mean. And he decided right then and there that he needed to take his life and place it in the Lord's hands; so, he knelt down and prayed - for a really long time. Pretty much the entire day. In this prayer, he was praying to be forgiven, praying that his soul might be saved. He received an answer to his prayer, being told that it was done all according to his faith.

Encouraged, and filled with the fire of his faith, he then began to pray for his friends and family; he wanted them to feel what he felt. He wanted them to be safe and protected in this life, and to have never-ending happiness in the next. He was told that because of his prayers, and others said like them, the Lord would guide them as best as He could, but they would still have to make their own decisions.

Again, he felt like he shouldn't stop there, so he began to pray for his enemies, the very people who were trying to destroy his people. He was filled with love and charity for them.

Enos' experience has always been one that I have loved, and it has always put me in awe. The reason why this story from the Book of Mormon has been on my mind is because of a song we sang in ward choir last week. It's called "In this Very Room." This song is special to my heart for several reasons. But, separate from those reasons, the song itself has a very powerful message.

Here are the words (by Ron Harris):

"In this very room there's quite enough love for one like me;
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for one like me.
And there's quite enough hope, and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus, is in this very room.

"And in this very room there's quite enough love for all of us;
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all of us.
And there's quite enough hope, and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus, is in this very room.

"In this very room there's quite enough love for all the world;
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all the world.
And there's quite enough hope, and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus, is in this very room."

This is the progression that Enos experienced. As he prayed, he felt love and he felt joy fill him. He knew it was real, and he knew where it came from: from the Savior. As he began to understand just how much he was loved, just how important he was to the Savior, he began to feel that love and joy for his loved ones - like those who might be close to us in a room - and to understand that Christ could fill them with that. And then, it expanded to everyone. He knew that even his worst enemies needed to feel that love and that joy. The entire world!

One of the reasons why I love this song is because of a moment when I sang it with a few members of my family. We happened to just be singing some church songs, but it was on a day when some confusing, frustrating, and sad things had happened. And, as we sang this song, I understood that the particular person who kind of instigated all of those feelings was loved by Jesus Christ. That even though my family might be feeling particularly frustrated, at that moment, when the Spirit was so strong and poignant, there was enough love in the room for that person, because the Lord was near us.

I love this song because it reminds me of how important each of us is to our Elder Brother. There will always  be enough love for me. ALWAYS. He loves me so much. I'm that important to Him. But, it's not just me. His love is enough for the entire world. His love is limitless. You don't need to feel weighed down; you don't need to worry; you don't need to fear; you don't need to feel surrounded by darkness. Because in the moment you need Him, He will be in the room with you. He loves you!

I know that Jesus Christ loves me, and that is there to light the path for all of us. Each of us is important and matters to Him. There is absolutely nothing that can change it. There is absolutely no reason to sit in the darkness, because of this knowledge.

Nothing without love

I often find myself being moved to ponder deeply simply from the music I listen to. I love it when this happens, because it continues to show me the light that is in the world. the other day, I found myself having one of those moments of beginning to ponder while listening to Nate Ruess' song "Nothing Without Love." It happened because I first was thinking how adorable of a love song this was - especially watching the music video. Everything about it just displays how head over heels the guy is for his girl. I just love it! It makes the deep hidden romantic in me just get all sorts of giddy.

But, then I started thinking about it further. I mean, it's hard to completely relate with the idea of romantic love when that is something that is sorely lacking in my life, but I love the subject of love - more than just romantic love. 

Probably one of the most important lessons I learned on my mission is how to love, and to love deeply. Before my mission, I was perfectly ok being anti-social and having minimal contact with friends. I'm a natural introvert, but I kind became the extreme and could be completely reclusive. Now, after those 18 months of, well, not being ALLOWED to be antisocial (I mean, I was walking up to people and talking with them. Pretty much the exact opposite of my nature.) I value my relationships (however bad I may be at staying in contact with my peeps who don't live in here in the valley) and it literally is emotionally hard for me to NOT be social.

Why? Well...because I'm nothing without love. When I love people - when I'm showing and expressing that love - I am at my best. I strive to be my best, because I want those individuals to know that I love them. My love language is quality time, and so I am at my happiest when I am spending time with the people I love. I literally don't care what we're doing. We could be sitting in silence, doing completely different things, but just the fact that we're spending time together makes me so happy! If I get home from work in the evening, and both my parents are in bed, and had to leave before my mom got home, I get a little bummed out - even though literally all that probably would have happened is that my dad would be watching tv, my mom would be reading, and I'd be dinking around on the computer. But, we'd be in the same room, and we'd be together, and that would make me happy.

I love the line in the song, "I wanna rest in your light," because I feel like that's what it's all about! What happens when we love people? We see their potential. We don't necessarily see them for who they currently are, but also who they can become. We see their light. And we want to be a part of that. We want to dwell in that light.

I am nothing without love. Since being home from my mission, I've experienced A LOT of emotional turmoil, a lot of ups and downs. I know the moments that I've been depressed, struggling, cranky, those have been the times that I wasn't putting forth the effort to spend time with those that I love. Without those I love, I am but a shadow of person I am and that I know I can be. I'm tired of having the down moments, I'm tired of being sad. I want to, instead, surround myself with those I love! I want the people I love to know that I love them. I want them to know that I'm nothing without love, and that they are a part of that love! For awkward, shy, introverted me, this has the potential to be a difficult process, but it's totally worth it, right?

Go tell someone that you love them, today! Because what are we without love? :)

Truths Learned from Les Miserables

This weekend I watched Les Mis for the first time in over two years. I was reminded of how much I just absolutely LOVE this musical. I grew up knowing the music, and when there were holes to the plot that the songs didn't cover, my mom would clarify plot points. So, when I watched the movie in theaters, I knew exactly what I was in for. I knew I would be watching a story riddled with darkness, misery, hopelessness. I mean it's called The Miserables! It's a story of woe! But that's why I love the music: there was beauty found in the woe, and even a little bit of light. When I watched the movie, I realized that despite the darkness, there is MUCH more light to be found than I realized. There are great truths to be learned from this beautiful story.

• At the end of the day, there is always hope. You can ALWAYS have hope for tomorrow. In that depressing song "At the End of the Day" there are just a couple lines that break out of that darkness - if you pay attention to the chord progression, you will notice it easier. The words say, "At the end of day there's another day dawning..." No matter what your situation is, you can have that attitude. There will always be a bother day. Today might have been a failure. But there is always going to be a new day, a new moment, a new opportunity. Don't get bogged down.

• Age and size doesn't matter. Gavroche, this incredible little boy, at one point says, "It only goes to show what little people can do!" He discovers secrets, shows courage and bravery, doesn't back down from a fight, is brilliant, and faces the enemy head on. Look at the scriptures; how many heroes are there that started young? David; Samuel; Nephi; Mormon; Moroni. Age doesn't mean a thing. Anyone an everyone can do great things, even the youth. Don't hold back!!

• You are not your past. Marius was this pretty little rich boy. Yet, he believed int he people's rights. He forsook what he had and fought for what he believed in. Jean Valjean changed into a great man, full of love, and kindness. He left poverty and petty theft, a life often hard to escape, and didn't let his past define him. Cosette had lived in misery for the first years of her life, yet she found joy in her new life. I'm sure those years before were vivid in her mind - how traumatic they  must have been! - yet, she didn't let the misery of her past bog her down. You don't have to be defined by who you WERE, by your past circumstances, by your past deeds. After all...there's another day dawning!

• We should live like there is one day more. The powerful song "One Day More" is all about the live changing events that were to happen the next day.  As it turns out...many of those expectations were shattered...but the principle is to be found in their attitude of "One day more"! Granted, there really was just one day before the life changing moment...but what if we held that attitude always? The attitude that tomorrow was going to change your life. Wouldn't it cause you to live your life to the fullest? To set high goals, with the hope that you could reach it?  To give yourself any and all opportunity to HAVE life changing moments Truly, each day can be life changing. Even the smallest decisions determine our destiny. How much more would we be aware of that if we lived as if it was just one day more?

• Love redeems This is one of my favorites, and I feel is the point of the entire story. And, the principle is taught in its entirety at the very end, though there is shades of it throughout the entire story. It's summed up in Jean Valjean's line, "To love another person is to see the face of God."
• Fantine. She loved Cosette more than anything. She ended up selling herself, her body, for the sake of providing for Cosette. She only did it because she had absolutely no idea what else to turn to. Yet, at the end, you see her return to bring Valjean hom with God. How was she there? Her love for Cosette redeemed her.
• Eponine. She was raised by the vilest of people. She did vile things with them. But, then, she falls in love with Marius. She risks her life for him, and in the end, loses her life because of her love for him. Yet, in that finale song, as they all sing, essentially about being in heaven with God, she is there. How, with all of those horrible things she had done? Because, in the end, she learned to love someone more than herself more than the greed and guile that had filled her life before. Her love for Marius redeemed her.
• And then...of course, Jean Valjean. Now, he was never a BAD man. He was imprisoned for stealing a loaf of bread. But those 19 years enslaved turned him angry and bitter. He turned to thievery. He was given a chance to change his life, and he took it and began to change. The change took full effect when he met Cosette and raised her as his own. His love for Cosette completed the change on his hardened, embittered heart, and redeemed his soul. He, in the end, was taken to God, to see the face of God, because he loved another person. As we love others, we change and we are able to be redeemed. What more do you need to know if life, that as we love those around us, we make it possible to return to love with God? I mean, charity was the defining characteristic of the Savior. IT was the root of everything that He did. To love another person is to see the face of God.

So...pretty much...I just super love Les Miserables. It's on my bucket list to read the unabridged book when I have time...and the attention span. It reminds me to find the light in the darkest of times. Because there is ALWAYS light to be found. There is always hope. And, there is always, always love to be found. 

The tempest is raging

Sometimes I feel like my life is just storming up. Like I'm in the middle of this huge storm, and I'm on this tiny little boat, and I'm completely helpless.

Every since coming home from my mission, I feel like it's been a huge series of storms. From being sick WAY more often than I ever have before, from figuring out my role in life right now, to coming to terms with no longer being on a mission, to just...handling life. So. Many. Storms. I'm sure pretty much everyone can relate.

My favorite hymn in the LDS hymnbook is "Master, the Tempest is Raging." Here are the words to the first verse:

Master the tempest is raging! 
The billows are tossing high!
The sky is o'reshadowed with blackness,
No shelter nor help is nigh.
Carest thou not that we perish?
How canst thou lie asleep
When each moment so madly is threat'ning
A grave in the angry deep?

(Chorus)
The winds and the waves shall obey thy will:
Peace be still;
Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea
Or demons or men or whatever may be
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The master of ocean and earth and skies!
The all shall sweetly obey thy will,
Peace be still.

I was reminded of this song the week as I read Mark 4:37-41. Christ is with His apostles. They're still kinda new to the whole deal, having just been called to follow Christ, but they have witnessed many miracles by this time. They're on this little tiny boat, and the storm is threatening to sink or capsize them. And where to they find Christ, their master? Sleeping. They wake Him up, totally freaking out, and He's just like, "C'mon guys, chill out!" And turns to the raging storm and says, "Peace, be still," And it immediate calms. And then, of course, the apostles freak out all over again, because they just saw someone calm a crazy storm. Which is kinda silly, because they literally asked Him to do something about it. Christ's response is, "How is it that ye have no faith?"

Now, I don't believe Christ is saying they have NO faith. I mean, they had enough faith to ask Him to help out. They trusted Him. But, they lacked faith in the sense that they were surprised when He actually did it. They had seen Him perform miracles, many many times, just that day, actually! Yet, when it was a miracle for them, they were shocked that it actually happened - even though they knew He had the power.

Here is the next verse of the hymn:

Master with anguish of spirit
I bow in my grief today.
The depths of my sad heart are troubled,
Oh waken and save, I pray!
Torrents of sin and of anguish
Sweep o'er my sinking soul
And I perish! I perish! Dear Master
Oh hasten and take control!

I can't tell you how many times in the past almost 6 month since I've been home when this has been my prayer. Where I feel like my soul, my heart, my mind is sinking, and I just need Him to take control, because what I'm doing isn't doing the trick. When I do cry out to Him, He always responds, and He always calms the terrible tempests. I hope that as He has done so - and will continue to do - He hasn't ever had to say, "How is it that ye have no faith?"

If we have faith in Christ, we are never going to be surprised when He answers our call. We are going to expect Him to do something - not in the sense that we feel entitled, but that we know He will do something! Because we have that much trust in Him! And it doesn't mean He will take away whatever trial we are facing, but He will take away the storm. We can always trust in that.

Here is the last verse of the hymn:

Master, the terror is over,
The elements sweetly rest.
Earth's sun in the calm lake is mirrored
And heaven's within my breast.
Linger, O blessed Redeemer! 
Leave me alone no more
And with joy I shall make the blessed harbor
And rest on the blissful shore.

I wish I had words to express the feelings of my heart right now. Despite how frustrated I've been from some of the backsliding I've experienced from my mission, there is one thing I gained from my mission that I have not faltered in: trusting in the Lord and His grace. With all the many trials I've faced lately, and am currently facing, I trust in my Master. I know He will calm those storms. And, without fail, I am overcome by great love, comfort and peace. I don't ever have to be shocked or surprised at the miracles He sends me, because He ALWAYS sends them. And He always will. Not just for me, but He will for you, as well.

There is a tempest raging for you, just as there is for me. So...just cry out. He will calm them for you.

Go quickly

Friday marked 2 years since I got on that plane and flew to the MTC - the start of my mission. It marked 2 years since I started something that changed the rest of my life; it was the best thing I could have done for my life.

My mission means the world to me, and one of the reasons why it was so hard for me to handle it ending was because I literally was living my dream. A mission was something I had wanted to do every since I was a wee little girl and I discovered girls actually could go on missions. And, the more I learned about the Gospel, the more I yearned to proclaim it to the world. Sometimes, I yearn to put that nametag back on, and do it all over again.

The other day I was reading Matthew 28. It was quite appropriate, with Easter coming up and all. (Happy Easter, friends!) In this particular book in the Bible, this is where Christ is resurrected. When Mary and Mary go to the tomb and find it empty, there are the angels, there to proclaim the good news! As they explain to the two Marys of Christ's resurrection, they say, "And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead," (vs 7). In verse 10, Christ meets them as they run, and He says, "go tell my brethren, that they go into Galilee, and there they shall see me."

The first direction to these saints, after they understand what Christ has done, is to go and share it. The reason? So that they all can meet with Him.

Again, at the end of the chapter, verses 19-20, Christ commands, "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost; Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even until the end of the world. Amen."

This pretty much is, like, the ultimate commandment from God. Once you know and understand for yourself, GO TELL PEOPLE!! Because Christ wants to meet with you AND them.

How blessed I am to have had the opportunity to share my testimony of the Savior for 18 months. And how blessed I am to have a testimony that I can still share, regardless of wearing that nametag, or not. There are sacred truths out there that need to be said, that need to be a daily part of our lives.

This is what I have been thinking about this Easter season. Do you know that Christ has risen from the tomb, that He lives for me and you? Do you know that He has broken the bonds of death, so that we can continue living the Father's plan of happiness for eternity, so we can have a fullness of joy? If you do know, I urge you to go and share it! And go quickly!

Greater love

The other day at work, I served a table that had a couple sitting there. This particular couple touched my heart. The woman was in a wheelchair; it looked like she might have MS. She couldn't communicate very well - but whenever I came by, she would respond happily the best she could - and she couldn't really move. This meant that her husband had to feed her. I remember looking back, and seeing him lovingly put a chip into her mouth. It wasn't graceful, it wasn't pretty, but it's something that filled my heart, because it was filled with love. I knew that he would have to do that for the entire meal. This man loved his wife enough to go to a restaurant, so they could spend time with friends, and do something that some might seem undignified. And he did it, willingly and patiently.

On Sundays, there is an elderly couple me and my parents share a pew with. The wife is blind. I love watching them partake of the sacrament. As the tray of bread is passed and it gets to them, he deliberately guides the tray so she can grab a piece of bread, and take one herself. As the tray of water is passed, he will move one of the cups to the corner, so she can grab it - again, he guides the tray - and he is so very careful and precise. Doing everything so she can still do it herself, but still doing SO much. I love watching it, because I feel like it so exemplifies the Savior. That husband is so full of love for his wife, that he does all of that. I'm sure it's such a simple thing to him, but, for anyone who watches and observes, it speaks volumes for his character and his love.

There are several scriptures that speak of giving up your life. There is one that says that there is no greater love than laying down your life for a friend. But...does that necessarily mean dying for your friend? I think it can, definitely! But, that's not all, I believe. Laying down your life can also mean what those two men do for their wives. They lay down their own life for the ones that they love. They are filled with love and concern that they set aside any discomforts or pride or anything, really, that would prevent them from giving such service.

How often do we lay down our lives? Do we stop what we are doing, do we put a pause on our crazy, self-centered lives, and help another individual? I just can't stop thinking about how much love that is! To just STOP and go do something nice for someone you love.

Elder Bednar shared a talk about the character of Christ. He said one of the most defining things about Christ, is that He look outward, instead of inward. No matter what was going on in His life, no matter what He was experiencing, He didn't think about His needs. He focused on those around Him. Even as He was grieving John the Baptist's death, and sought solitude, the multitude found Him, and instead of turning them away like His apostles tried to do, He fed them. He taught them. He stayed with them. He looked outward. He laid down His life. He put His needs and His life on hold. Christ spent His entire life laying down His life. It wasn't just on the cross that He did that. And we can do that to; it doesn't just mean we have to die to show that greater love for someone. We simply have to be willing to STOP, and go do something for someone who needs it.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13

Happiness is the truth

While I was driving to institute class today, I started thinking about how happy I was at the moment. I was jamming out to good music, I had a good morning, and I was about to be spiritually uplifted in class. My mind drifted to a conversation I recently had with a good friend. She commented on how dark the world was. The world is just filled with darkness. I totally agree with that. But, after she said that, I thought about it and responded with, "Well, yes, but I think we forget how much light and goodness there is out in the world too." And not JUST from the Church, or really, even other Christians. There is GOOD and there is LIGHT to be found out there.

When I got off of my mission, it was my favorite thing ever to discover new songs that were completely unrelated to the Gospel, but were still filled with light. It proved to me that there's a reason why God has placed us in this world. True, we are meant to be IN the world, not OF, but God wouldn't place us somewhere that was absolutely hopeless, that we simply needed to ignore or cut ourselves off from. If that were the case, we'd be commanded to flee from it. If all good was gone, we'd be leaving, just as God commanded His servants to flee Sodom and  Gomorrah. Now, there is a LOT of evil out in the world. Just as bad, if not worse than, Sodom and Gomorrah. But, we are not fleeing, and it is not destroyed yet, because of the strength of the good that there is still out there. For every force of darkness that is out there, the light manages to still outshine it. And it is NOT just coming from the saints.

In institute today, we read Doctrine and Covenants 78:19, which says, "And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious...." My teacher asked us why God might tell us to be thankful for all things. Everybody gave deep, long explanations - that made perfect sense. But to me, the answer was so simple: because it makes us happier. If we are thankful ALL the time, the bad things can't bring us down. The way I see this verse, it's not saying that when something horrible and drastic happens, we should be like, "I'm SO thankful this happened!" Instead, it means that we receive it - acknowledged it happened - and then are thankful for what comes of it, or what didn't happen that could have made it worse, or what did happen that kept it from being worse, or the tender mercies we receive in the midst of the trial. We receive the trial with thankfulness, maybe not because of the trial, but because of everything else surrounding it.

You see, we are not surrounded by darkness; the light is surrounding the darkness. It simply depends on where you're looking, and what your perspective is. If you're focusing on the negative and the bad, you'll feel you're surrounded - no matter how filled with light you may be. But, once you acknowledge the bad, but start focusing on all the brilliant light around you, the darkness diminishes. It's still there, for sure, but it has less power.

As one who has experienced many ups and downs over the past 4 months, this was a very precious lesson to learn, because too often I allow myself to be overwhelmed by the negative. But that's so silly, because it's SO much better to just. Be. Happy. Like I was today. :)

Enjoy this song. This is how I felt.:)

Why I love Frozen

I kind of have this slight obsession with Frozen. It started gradually. I was on my mission and heard all this hype. I had even heard "Let it Go" as I was out and about. I didn't quite get why it was deemed so awesome. I was quite skeptical about it all. It was one of the first movies I watched when I got back, and I was like, "Eh. It's pretty cool, I guess."

Then, I watched season 4 of Once Upon a Time - well, the first half - which involved the Frozen characters and, in typical Once Upon a Tim fashion, took lots of liberties with the story. It went beyond the story the movie gives us. I loved it! But, what I loved best was the characterization of Anna and Elsa. And, I watched Frozen again - maybe a couple of times - and again, I just fell in love with the characters. Why? Because the most important thing, both in the movie and in Once Upon a Time was the fact that they were sisters.

The solution to the entire problem of the story was love. Not necessarily romantic, but just love in general. That was how Elsa could control her powers. It was what saved Anna. And, what made it all just absolutely fantastic: what saved Anna was NOT true loves kiss. (Don't worry, this isn't like some feminist rant. I'm not saying Frozen is about how Anna doesn't need a man. Please. Anna and Cristoff = best couple ever. Their awkwardness and charm is absolutely fantastic!) What saved Anna was simply an act of true love. Her act of true love was saving her sister. The best part: she didn't do it to save herself. She did it to save Elsa. There wasn't an ounce of selfish desire. That's how it was in Once Upon a Time. The plot was riddled with acts that Anna and Elsa - and occasionally Cristoff - would do, because of their love for each other.

I think the world needs to be aware of what real love - or true love -  is. Love isn't just a romantic thing. Love is something that makes every relationship sweeter. The love of a family member. The love friend. The love of a church leader. Sometimes even the love of that random person you just met, but you see the kindness in their eyes and in their actions (like that couple who leaves an outrageous tip, all because you were a little bit extra smiley when you were serving them).

So, yeah. I probably could rant and rave for awhile about how much I love how Frozen emphasizes love - and not just romantic love. And how Anna and Elsa are like the best sisters ever. The last time I watched it, I started reflecting on my own family, and how much I love them. It's been really great, being home from my mission and getting to spend time with them. Getting to see them differently than I have before - with eyes that are slightly different, after being a missionary for 18 months. And, truly, I love what I see.

It's super easy to be critical and focus on the negative - it actual is a natural human reaction. There can be 100 positive things that happened, and 1 bad thing, and our brain will naturally focus on the bad. One bad thing can ruin a day, if we let that natural reaction take the lead. It's very easy to do with people as well. I've started putting forth the effort to focus on the good in people, instead of the negative. Something that can be incredibly difficult for me, as I'm prone to crankiness and am accused of being a pessimist (I say realist). And, often the ones we are closest to get the harshest view.We get nit-picky with them.

But, I can tell you, as I've put forth the effort to see the positive in people, I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for my family. I've seen them drop everything to help a sibling out. I've noticed subtle acts of kindness that show the depth of their good character. I've seen generosity. I've seen diligence. I've seen joy. I wish I had enough time (ha, and patience) to get into specifics about each of my siblings and their families. But, lets face it: you wouldn't want to read that ridiculously long blogpost, and I'm not patient enough to write that out. Because that's a lot of people to write about. (I actually started to, and gave up...)

Anyways...that's why I love Frozen. Because I want to be a sister, daughter, aunt, friend, like Anna. Her sister didn't talk to her for YEARS, and she couldn't figure out why. Then, her sister freezes the entire land. Her reaction? "I've got to go talk to her! I've got to help her!" Then, her sister accidentally freezes her heart, pretty much sentences her to death, what is Anna's dying act? (Well, what she thinks is her dying act.) She saves her sister. Anna never holds bitterness or anger for her sister. All she cares about is helping her sister. And I want to be like that!

2015 - Chasing the Sun

Sorry for the blog hiatus. My life randomly got busy, and then I just got out of the habit of blogging, and then...I just didn't. A lot has happened since I last blogged. Utah trip. Washington trip. New boyfriend, which has turned into a long distance relationship (waaaaayyyyy lame that the whole long distance thing happened). Renewed obsession with Sara Bareilles (not too surprising if you know me at all). New calling in church, where I teach Sunday School to 12 and 13 year olds. Yes, I'm a little bit intimidated. And, the new year. 2015 has happened. As always, this causes reflection. I don't think it's a bad thing to be cliche in this aspect. We need to have constant reflection, and I think it's beautiful that everybody reflects at this time.

So, a review of this past year:

• I completed my mission in the beautiful WA-TAC. 
• I learned how to be grateful for the rain.
• I learned a deeper meaning of charity.
• I learned what 1 Corinthians 15:10 was all about.
• I gained understanding of dreams and how dreams are meant to be achieved - and that no dream is too big.
• My life plan changed - again.
• I learned how to say "I love you" to people - in the actual words, and in other ways as well.
• I got this freaking sweet haircut that shocked everyone and their dog, but I have never once regretting it.
• I turned 21! Which, in the world is a huge age. But, since I was on my mission...it just meant a way awesome member made me a way legit cake, and that was pretty much it.
• I've gained just a little bit more perspective in life, in who I am, in those who are around me, in the world, and in who my Heavenly Father is.

I've grown quite a bit in 2014. I'm a fan of 2014. But, there is so much more! 2015 is going to bring so much more. Like school. Like even more mission friends coming home. Like moving out of my parents' house. (I seriously love those peeps. I'm grateful for all they do. But, I will be the first to admit that I automatically slack and backslide when I'm living under their roof.) Like getting to learn and grow more. Like becoming one step closer to fulfilling my dreams.

And, just like every year, I think it is such a good idea to set goals. And, one thing I've learned about myself is that I SUCK at keeping goals if I have no one to account to. If no one else knows my goals, I tend to just...not do them. So, I thought I'd share just a couple of them with y'all.

Physical: I am going to start running in the morning. 5 times a week. I don't like want to run a marathon or anything. I just want to be healthier. And goodness knows my diet is NOT going to change! 

Mental: I am going to attend BYU-I and get straight A's my first semester back to college. No, I don't think that is a crazy goal. I got myself good grades by putting forth minimal effort. This time I'm going to get A's because I actually worked and learned.

Spiritual: I will attend the temple once a week, every week. Even once I go to school. I can't miss out on those blessings. They are too precious to me, and the work done there is too important to not do.

Financial: At the end of the year, I will have money in my bank account; I will have budgeted/saved enough so that I didn't have to live paycheck to paycheck the last couple of months of the year.

Social: I will express my love to someone every single day. I have gotten a lot better at this, but I don't want it to disappear.

Ultimate: BE HAPPY!!!

2015 is set up to be a pretty good year for me. And I'm determined to make this year my happiest year! This year has been filled with some of the greatest joys. But, if I'm living life the way I'm supposed to, as my life continues, my joy will increase. That is our purpose on Earth, after all! It's the Plan of Happiness! "Adam fell that men might be and men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25.

As you all think about what you want to do, what you want to become during 2015, remember, it's possible. Reach your dreams. In the beautiful words of Sara Bareilles, "You said remember that life is not meant to be wasted, we can always be chasing the sun! So fill up your lungs and just run, and always be chasing the sun! All we can do is try, and live like we're still alive!"

Go and chase the sun this year, my friends! :)