Today in church, someone mentioned how the Atonement of Jesus Christ can give us relief. That word relief stuck out to me, and I spent some time thinking about that relief.
I'm the kind of person who is constantly seeking for what is comfortable and what feels good. If I'm feeling anything uncomfortable, I do what I can remove either myself from what is making me uncomfortable or remove the thing that is making me feel uncomfortable. If I am tired, literally all I want to is sleep. If I'm hungry, if it is in my power, I will eat right away. When I am really struggling with my anxiety, I try to avoid pretty much anything that might make it worse and do whatever I can to numb my brain to get it to stop thinking - like, it's a really good thing I don't drink alcohol, because ooooh boy, would I be drinking A LOT! I look for easy outs in most situations - like, at church, I will typically sit on the end of the pew so I literally have an easy way out of the chapel and the clumps of people that form. If something tastes good, smells good, or makes me feel good in any way shape or form, I will seek it out. Sometimes obsessively. (I will eat pizza for every meal if given the opportunity because it tastes so good.)
Essentially, I am constantly looking for relief. I'm looking for whatever will temporarily make whatever I'm experiencing better and lighter. I aim for what is easy and what is comfortable.
There is better relief, though. Sometimes, to experience lasting relief and meaningful relief, there is work that needs to be done. Sometimes, to experience relief, we need to lean into whatever we are currently feeling. Earlier this week, I was having a very bad day, mental health-wise. Like, one of the worst days I've had in several months. My natural inclination was to crawl underneath my weighted blanket and scroll through social media until I felt like my brain would let me sleep. Instead, I felt a little prompting to reach out to a friend; maybe to most people, this doesn't sound like a big deal, but I don't generally reach out when I'm having bad days. I don't want to talk about things, because I know what once I do, the floodgates will open, and I don't know if I'm down for being that vulnerable. I don't want to be annoying or a burden or make anyone feel obligated to do anything. But, I decided to lean into the discomfort and reach out to my friend. Even after just a few minutes of being with her, I felt such incredible relief. Like, the minutes between me reaching out to her, waiting for a response, and then waiting for her to pick me up were excruciating, because my brain is ridiculous, but the relief I felt afterward was so much more than anything I would have experienced laying in my room by myself.
I have had very similar experiences after wrestling with difficult choices; I never wanted to move back to Arizona. Idaho was comfortable. I had good friends. I had an excellent job - with benefits! And even though it was a full-time job, I was still able to balance full-time school without much problem. When I started getting the prompting to start thinking about maybe moving back to Arizona, I was very uncomfortable. I didn't want to. Even after I made the decision and I was trying to figure out a job, trying to figure out where I should live, and trying to come to terms with upending my entire life, I was very uncomfortable. But, when I got my car - and my dad's truck - all packed up and started my drive down to Mesa, I felt relief. I mean, I'm still not necessarily super thrilled to be here, but I recognize that relief that I felt!
When I've had to repent and realign myself to God's teachings, I've been very uncomfortable. It is so much easier to just maintain or be content. It's easier to continue doing the thing you know you're not supposed to because it's familiar, it feels good, or convenient. Heck, sometimes even the thing you know you need to change feels safe. And to have to change that? SO uncomfortable! It seems like the exact opposite of relief! Until you lean into it, and you feel it. The relief of being renewed. Of feeling God's love. Of feeling your relationship with your Savior strengthened.
Often, the relief that is worth feeling and that is going to be lasting is going to require some work; it is likely going to require effort, discomfort, maybe some pain and suffering. But! That relief! The relief that comes from using the Atonement of Jesus Christ to repent and to feel reconciliation and forgiveness! The relief that comes from receiving God's grace to overcome a trial! The relief that comes from following a prompting! It is so much better than anything else that might provide relief.
Choosing to turn to the Savior and His Atonement for relief will always be superior to any easy way out I could possibly find.
