Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Chasing the Sun (Part 3)




I've used this song multiple times on my blog, but it's probably one of the most meaningful nonreligious songs I've ever come across. I discovered it a little while after I got home from my mission (after I decided to go discover what Sara Bareilles music I had been missing out on from the previous 18 months of my life) and the lyrics just really struck me.

When I came home from my mission, I was really lost. I knew what I wanted to do, but it all felt so far away. I knew I had a purpose to fulfill, but the steps seemed so far distant. .I wasn't even going to be able to get back into school until the next fall - and I got home from my mission in October. I ended up starting school on September, almost 11 months, to the day, from the time I got home from my mission. That was incredibly discouraging for me, and those 11 months, although there was plenty of good times and plenty of light, were still incredibly dark. So, Chasing the Sun served as a reminder to me, to always be running after my dreams. I have so much to be grateful for, down to the very breath that I breathe, so I shouldn't do anything less than just go out and try. Since then, I've been trying to run full blast towards my dreams. Obviously, I'm not perfect in that. Sometimes my run turns into a meandering stroll, or I feel so exhausted or overwhelmed that it takes all of my power to not just flop down on the ground, and simply stop moving forward. But, I never did.

In April, I graduated with my Bachelor's of Science in Psychology. It was thrilling to have accomplished something that brought me one step closer to reaching my dream, but I knew I still had a long ways to go. I aim to get my PhD, but that requires both money and experience (also, the GRE, but, you  know, that's a completely different beast to tackle). So, I started applying for jobs. I started getting really frustrated, because very few job openings provided very much money or experience that would actually be helpful for grad school or what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. But, there was one: to be a rehabilitation technician for the Juvenile Correction Center. The pay was stellar, the experience was literally perfect, not only for grad school but for helping me figure specifics out in regards to what I actually want to do for the rest of my life, plus, I would actually be helping people. I applied and a month went by, and I didn't hear anything. I ended up getting a job for another company as a fraud specialist, and was told I would start Monday, May 21st. A week before I was supposed to start with that job, I get a call from the JCC, saying they wanted me to come in for an interview. I was stoked, so I, of course, said yes, with high hopes.

After the interview, I was told that I would find out if I would get the job in about 2 weeks. So, I started my other job, each day anticipating a phone call. That never came. The 2nd week ended, and I resigned myself to being a fraud specialist for the next 2 or so years, while I saved up for grad school. So, that Tuesday, of the third week, I check my phone while I was on break, and I had a voicemail from the JCC asking me to call them back - it turns out, for the purpose of offering me a job. So, I quit that day and then started work at the JCC the very next day.

The fact that I have a job at the JCC thrills me, every day. It's not a convenient or easy job. It's not comfortable and I can't be lazy. And I love it! I feel like I'm running full blast towards my dream. I feel like I'm accomplishing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel confident that I am where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do, surrounded by the people who need me and who I need. I am chasing the sun, and it is a beautiful experience.

Probably the most significant thing, though, through all of this, is that I have felt my Heavenly Father's love. He is invested in my life. I wanted specific things, to reach my ultimate goal. I went to Him with every single one, with every single concern, with every single desire, and with every single question. And He gave me literally everything that I needed and everything that I wanted. It could not be more perfect. He was invested enough in my life to respond to every single detail, because it mattered so much to me, and because they all pointed me in the right direction. I know it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes He points us in a different direction. But I am so grateful for this experience, because it has shown me that when the Lord gives us the option to choose - because each time I would ask Him for direction, He told me to make a decision - He will respond, trusting us to make the right choice.

So, here I am chasing my dream. And, though my life is not perfect, I couldn't be happier.

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