A Discourse on Pride

Something I hope to be able to do someday is to be able to speak to members of the church in firesides or other similar forums about the LGBTQ+ community and the church. I've already decided on a couple of questions I would ask and topics I would discuss:

• If your child - or sibling, spouse, parent, youth you have stewardship over, etc. - comes out to you, brings home a partner of the same gender, or decides they want to be called by a different name/different pronouns, what will be your reaction? If it is anything besides love and acceptance, go back and reread the New Testament to see how Christ responded to people. (If I was in a little bit of a feisty mood, I probably would be more blunt and say, "Check yourself because anything besides love and acceptance is wrong.")
• What is the worst-case scenario if your child comes out to you as anything besides heterosexual or cisgender? Is it that they leave the church? That they have a same-sex partner? That they decide to change their gender and their name? If those are your answers, you're wrong. The worst-case scenario is that they kill themselves because they feel shame instead of acceptance, confusion and pressure instead of acceptance, even hate and discrimination instead of acceptance. Instead of LOVE.

In a survey done in 2019, 39% of LGBTQ respondents considered suicide. When comparing rates of suicide and suicide attempts between cisgender and heterosexual youth and youth who are LGBTQ, there is a drastic difference; there is a higher percentage of LGBTQ youth who consider suicide (The Trevor Project).

LGBTQ youth are more likely to be bullied, threatened, even attacked while in school. It is still common for teenagers to be kicked out of their homes for coming out. Members of the LGBTQ+ community make up a disproportionate amount of homeless teens. 

I honestly could share crazy amounts of statistics on this matter, but that's not what I want to focus on. (You can go to https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ - one of my favorite LGBTQ+ websites - https://www.outnotdown.org/lgbtq-youth, https://www.hrc.org/our-work, heck, even the CDC and Mental Health America has information and statistics about it.)

Here's the point that I want to make: for those of you who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - or even those of you who are Christians of other denominations - are you truly behaving as Christ would want you to behave?

Is using a person's preferred name and pronouns not Christlike? Is being friends with same-sex couples not Christlike? Is inviting them into your home, going out and having lunch with them, loving them, going to their weddings not Christlike? What is morally wrong about any of these things? 

Nothing. Nothing is morally wrong with those things. I believe Christ would do all of those things. In fact, if you're reading the same New Testament that I read, I'm pretty dang sure Christ told us to do those things. 

Did you know that one of the biggest things that will help an LGBTQ youth not turn to suicide is feeling love and accepted? To have their preferred name and pronouns used? To not feel like they have to hide their identity from the people that are closest to them?

I'm going to be very frank with you. When I do not see my friends speak up on the behalf of the LGBTQ+ community, when I hear them say disparaging things, use slurs, try to take away rights, try to explain their discrimination as defending the traditional family and religious beliefs, I slowly lose respect for that person. 

Because here is the thing: Christ is one of the biggest allies I have. There literally is no reason why a Christian would not be an ally unless they are blinded by their prejudices and biases.

And, I get it. Biases exist. They're hard to fight! It took me years to fight against my own biases, and I AM gay! I still have biases that I am constantly working on. Because they will always exist, but they do not have to determine how I treat people. 

So, my friends, this June, what are you doing to show pride? What are you doing to show that you are an ally? For me, for your friends, your children, your family members, your ward members, your neighbors? 

Pride is important to me - not the pride that we're warned about in church. My pride has nothing to do with comparing myself to others or elevating myself. But pride in my LGBTQ+ community. Pride in my identity, because after years of wrestling with myself, I have come to terms that this is a part of who I am. 

Being an ally does not mean throwing away your beliefs. But it means that you become an advocate for a population that is hurting and is discriminated against. If you can love the person who drinks, smokes, or does drugs, you can love the gays lesbians, transgenders, and all the other identities out there. 

Remember: What is the worst-case scenario? It is not someone making choices you do not agree with. It's that person taking their life because people did not accept them and tried to force them to change. And I am positive that makes our Heavenly Parents weep. So, please, please, be an ally. Make pride your movement. Make my community your community. We need you.