One Month

One month ago, I was on a plane that took me from Washington back to Arizona. Before I got on that plane, I had been in the state of Washington for 18 months. There, I wore a skirt everyday, got up at 6:30, went to bed a 10:30, read my scriptures and prayed every single day, knocked on strangers' doors, and walked for miles in the rain.

There I learned what I feared. But, there I learned to conquer fear. There I felt the power of the Spirit in ways I had never before felt. There I had my weaknesses exposed. But, there I learned to not be my weaknesses, but to, instead, rely on my Savior to help me overcome  my weaknesses. There I met people who will be written on my heart forever. There I made changes that I never want to see disappear. There I fell in love with the colors green and gray. Because of my time there I yearn to feel the rain pour down on me. There, I came to understand what it truly means to be a child of God.

One month ago, I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, serving my Savior, Jesus Christ full-time. Except it was more than just 40 hour work day. It was from when I woke up at 6:30 till I went to bed at 10:30. And then, sometimes, even in my dreams, I would receive revelation that would help me to serve in greater capacities. One month ago I was living my dream. The dream I had since age 4 to serve a mission that came true because of the wonderful age change announcement October 2012.

Things I miss from my mission:

• My mission peeps
• Having a constant purpose to every waking moment of my life, and that purpose being to SERVE. To serve God and my brothers and sisters
• Feeling the mantle - it's a real thing. It's much harder to maintain that level of the spirit.
• Wearing the nametag.
• 2 hours of study every day
• Super awesome meetings all the time, surrounded by super awesome missionaries
• Having a companion/best friend with me ALL THE TIME!
• BEING A MISSIONARY!

But...life is still ok as a normal person. There are many blessings and many positives. Things I get to enjoy since being home:

• Getting to jam out to music that is still wholesome but NOT church related.
• Getting to hold small children like my nieces and nephews
• Making money
• Getting to progress in life - like earning money so I can go to back to COLLEGE and LEARN!!
• Still being able to do service, but now I'm not limited. I can do whatever service I want, whenever I want.
• Not being limited on miles.
• Skyping whenever I want.
• Getting to text or call whoever I want (unless they're another missionary currently in the WA-TAC...) whenever I want
• Wearing pants ALL THE TIME!!
• Going to the temple every week.
• Getting to be by myself.
• Getting to read Harry Potter.

Pretty much...life has been pretty crazy the past month, I still miss my mission so bad, that it sometime is just like this...aching in my heart. But I can't deny the blessings. I can't deny all that God has given me in the past month to help me be successful and to help me achieve my goals and dreams, and to help me to fulfill my purpose. Just because I'm no longer a full-time missionary doesn't mean I don't get to serve the Lord. It doesn't mean I still don't grow and get to witness the Spirit change people's hearts. Despite the fact that I am no longer on a mission, each day is still a day of becoming. Coming home didn't change that. Coming home isn't stopping me being me. So...why fret. Why worry. Why desire something more?

I love my mission. I will never stop thinking about it or stop loving it or stop missing it. But I am excited to see what the next month will bring. And the next year. The next 18 months. Who will I have become? It's definitely worth it.